Rainy nights never fails to bring me down
And tonight is just like any other rainy night
As I sit on my bed, my head hanging down
My long hair cascading down my face, letting in a ray of light
Earphones stuck in my ears
I'm here, but I'm in another time
Mind replaying memories of the past years
And settled on a certain time
A time, I've never payed much attention to
I guess, I was so absorbed in my world
That I didn't realize that my best friend might need someone too
It all past by me in a blur
Till now, it's still a bit hazy and in disarray
But, I think she must have been really hurt
Cause if I was in her shoes everything will be gray
And even just thinking about it happening to me hurts
And now thinking about everything that had happened
It brings tears to my eyes
I was a very selfish friend
I don't think I'd be able to look into her eyes
I call myself her childhood best friend
But I wasn't there for her
I was too busy telling myself that I know everything about my friend
That I couldn't even come to her and comfort her
I wish I was there
I wish I could help her
I wish I could turn back time
I wish I was able to give my trust a bit earlier
And I thought we're really close
Until, I realize, we're only close in the surface
But beneath the surface, we weren't really close
I can't even read her emotions through her face
I'm a worthless shit
I don't deserve the title best friend
I couldn't even put my trust in her, I'm just another bitch
I don't deserve to be jealous over her new friends
I never even told her when I hit puberty
I never told her when I had my first boyfriend
I never told her, how I really felt about the world
I never told her, how I really felt about her
I was never there for her
I've kept secrets from her
I didn't trust her
I'm worse than a murderer!
I wrote this for my childhood best friend, though I'm not sure if she still thinks of me as one. I just can't help but feel guilty when I wasn't there for her when she needed me and I don't feel like I still deserve to be called her friend. And I didn't even trust her enough to tell my problems to her. :'(
hugs and kisses... xOxOx...
Always s^.^ile...
xMsRoPaVax
