Bullies|| Noah schnapp x reader

Part 14

Your pov

"I'm sorry" noah said as he walked out, once he did I walked up to the door and locked it shut

I had so much anger inside of myself at this point I wanted to punch anything and everything but I didn't I instead held all my anger inside

I walked into the restroom and remembered what happened in here for a second I wished I actually succeeded, all of this was a stupid mistake of mine

I looked at myself in the mirror and I grimaced, not only did they make me wanna kill my self but they also destroyed all the self confidence and love I had for myself, which was very little but still

Now every time I look in the mirror I want to cry, I want to punch myself I despise myself now I hate how I look I hate every little detail I could see in myself, I hate my eyes my face shape my hair my eyes my teeth my lips EVERYTHING about myself

I feel uncomfortable in my own body and face I just want to escape myself but I can't

I could be having a great day but if I look at myself in the mirror or anywhere I get mad and want to just punch myself for being so ugly, I don't wanna be me anymore I don't. But I don't have a choice

(Ahh you all are beautiful asf don't ever think you're not because you are!)

"Y/N ARE YOU OKAY IN THERE?" I heard Caleb say as he pounded on the door I looked away from the mirror and roughly wiped my tears away I got out of the restroom and opened my room door, he was the only one there or I wish he was, the others were behind him

"Yeah I'm fine, I'm amazing never been better" I tried to keep the sarcasm out of my voice for his sake, I still wanted to cry but I tried not to show it

"Are you sure?" Caleb asked "you want me to come in there with you?" I didn't answer him I just yanked him into my room not even caring that the others were there and I closed the door

I know I need help but I don't want any I don't like feeling happy, okay yes I do! But I'm so used to feeling sad and done with life that whenever I feel okay I panic and make myself feel bad again or at least try to

"What's wrong?" He asked pulling me into a hug I let out my tears and started bawling

"Me that's what" I sobbed

"What did Noah say?" He asked still hugging me

"Nothing, he's not the reason why I'm like this... partly" my voice was shaking

"Then what's wrong?"

"I don't know" I cried hopelessly into his shoulder after a while of me crying I finally pulled away and wiped my eyes, I let out a slight chuckle

"How are you still even with me? I'm such a mess" i said still wiping my eyes

"Because y/n that's what friends do, and I'll be here with you for everything Your shoulder to cry on" he proudly said

"Aren't you ashamed of being my friend though? I tried to kill myself for goods sake" he just shrugged

"Why would I be ashamed of that? That's when you need me the most and I'll always be here helping you through things just like I know you'll be here" he smiled I nodded and thought about the others

"You're the greatest omg I don't deserve you, but Do you think the others are just faking being nice to me?" Caleb just shook his head

"If they are then shame on them but I doubt they are"

I heard a knock at the door and went to open it, it was Sadie

"Y/n and Caleb Noah and I wanted to see if you guys wanted to come with us to the movies?" She smiled just looking at her made my heart ache I really loved her when I wasn't part of this cast I looked up to her and always thought she was an angel (which bro c'mon she is) and I still do love her but it hurts now, a part of me wanted to say yes but a bigger part in me wanted to stay and cry and say no

Caleb answered for me "oh yeah sure only you two?" He asked

"Oh yeah yeah we figured you know we should hang out together only the four of us" she smiled nervously I just nodded

"Yeah, sure let me just get ready" it took everything and more in me to say yes. Sadie smiled and went to Noah who was waiting in the end of the hallway I looked over at him and let out a small smile, after everything he's done to me my heart still chooses to love him

Here's an update for you beautiful mofos!