Bullies|| Noah schnapp x reader

Part 17

Your pov

I was in my hotel room now, Sadie went back to hers. It was a fun day today, I feel like I can actually trust Sad- no no I can't do that every time that happens something happens to ruin everything

Anyways it's 8:45 pm right now, I was wearing sweats and a slightly over sized white hoodie, I rarely wear white but I felt like wearing it today besides I ain't going no where

I feel like absolute shit right now though, I was on Instagram in a secret account I have and I was on some Noah fan accounts live, Noah was on there too.. he was acting so sweet like if he this innocent little bean, so sweet and nice. Thats what made me fall for him in the first place, what am I saying? It was all a stupid celebrity crush thing I just really hope I don't end up Stupidly falling for him, but I feel like it might happen

He might be this, you know sweet and an actual angel.. but I don't know and I don't wanna know

I was actually feeling kinda jealous of whoever this person was, which is stupid because he's literally a few rooms away from me. He just seems so nice and seeing all these accounts trying to get noticed. Why am I smiling like a frigging idiot? Ugh fuck everything. I wish Noah would be this nice to me

I saw Noah wasn't commenting on the live anymore and got off of it, I went to my main account and turned my phone off, I stared at the screen for what seemed like forever- actually I don't know I felt so at peace as I was staring at it.. but slowly that left leaving pain and thousands of emotions in me, I don't know how to explain it, it was like every emotion you can possibly feel and like no emotion at all, as if that emotion is trapped somewhere in me and it's trying to get out

It's normal for me now though, that's what being depressed feels like well at least for me, I don't know if anyone else feels like this but it's been like this for me and it's so overwhelming

I looked down at my arm, still feeling this stupid emotion, and pulled back my sleeve.. seeing this scar isn't healthy for me it's just like calling at me to do it again and succeed this time

But I had to stay strong and fight it back, I know I could do it. I felt like crying, I just really felt like doing it, I shook my head and turned on my phone. I put on some panic! at the disco because for some reason his music makes me turnt, his music is like my therapy

I was half into a song already about to start dancing around when I heard a knock on my door, I walked over to it while singing quietly and dancing weirdly and looked through the peep hole

My heart sank as I saw who it was and started shaking, gosh what's wrong with me? I've gotten so much worse. I took some deep breaths and calmed down and opened the door

And there Noah stood, his smile as beautiful as ever, he looked so adorable so innocent so everything (frig I'm cringe ewe)

"Hey.. what can I help you with?" I asked not knowing what to say

"Oh hey, no I just wanted to ask you if we could hang out?" He said playing with his hands nervously

"Oh- uh... sure" I heisted but let him in, my room was pretty clean "what- what do you wanna do?" I asked closing the door behind him

"Just talk, you know how have you been?" He asked, I didn't wanna tell him the truth for many reasons so I decided to lie

"Oh I've been great.. yeah um life's been great you know" I lied he smiled seeming to believe my lie

"Cool, well if you ever feel bad about anything you can always talk to me" friggin liar, I thought, but instead I nodded

"Well hey you wanna stalk fan accounts with me?" He smiled, I let out a little smile and nodded

"Sure" I said, he took his phone out and opened up his insta and we stalked people we joined someone's live, they were so sweet. Noah has some great fans

This isn't right, it feels right but I don't wanna trust him, that's normal for me though I don't ever trust anyone or become close to them, ever since I lost the one person I trusted and appreciated with my entire soul and heart

But with Noah it's something different, it's like how I am with faith, she's the only one I trust and the only one who hasn't left me, I trust her nearly but not nearly as much as I trusted the other person, I still love her though..

Now I'm regretting telling you guys the plan so early I should've- dang I fucked up Ajskks Oh well I'll make it work I guess

Well here's this chapter that I wrote barley right now, so many of you kept asking for it and I decided to since you all wanted it

So here's this horrid chapter