Summertime (Frerard)

28: You're Bringing Out The Best In Me

"It's not what I expected." Gerard let a shaky and uncertain breath fall from his lips as his eyes scanned over my living room for the second time; almost as if he had utterly refused to accept what he'd just seen.

Honestly, I didn't blame him. After all, I'd spent my whole life trying my best to ignore it too, and that really hadn't been proving to be the best of methods after all, because I was still here and this wreck I lived in was still very obvious, and I was of course used to that, there was just something off about the fact my boyfriend was now stood in my living room - a witness to it all.

"Mmm..." I responded for the sake of doing so; something to fill the emptiness of the silence as my keys clattered against the table all too silently in an all too empty house.

To be honest, I didn't know as to what was the real point in bothering with keys in a neighbourhood like this; a neighbourhood where someone could easily smash down the door, or climb in through the windows, or fuck even burn the whole house down if they really wished to. I guess it was out of habit; I guess I just wanted to pretend I still lived in a world where little things like that mattered.

I wanted to live in a world where the first time Gerard walked into my house he'd be meeting my mum, and she would have made dinner, and we'd eat it and she'd ask him far too intrusive questions and I'd get all embarrassed.

I'd met his mother, but of course he could never meet mine. And that stung most of all.

Really, I should have been glad that the space I resided in was now free of the drunken bellows and the clattering of beer bottles, but now it just felt empty - it didn't feel right, and I really just couldn't accept that this was how it could be.

That option didn't seem real in my mind.

Peace wasn't real in my world - not anymore. Peace was my mum nearly getting arrested for campaigning to save the trees, and never leaving nature alone - that was peace. This world we lived in now, that was just war - every man for himself, even with Gerard and I; underneath the surface at the very least.

"You don't want me here, do you?" Gerard's voice sprung from his lips in an enormous leap to a conclusion that scared me like hell.

"No, no- no... I... it's just- Gerard, I..." I was a mess and that was clear, yet somehow Gerard really didn't seem to mind that much, and really that was nothing short of plain confusing. Gerard had always been a subject of confusion, of course, but the way he acted in general, and especially now was just weird.

For the kind of person I knew he was, he seemed to care an awful lot about me. For the kind of person I was warned he was, he seemed to be far too easy to fall in love with, and of course that really wasn't a bad thing at all.

"I understand, Frankie." He pulled me into his side as he stepped closer to me; suddenly rendering the room not quite so cold anymore. "It's not me - it's this place, and I get that. I was surprised you even invited me here in the first place."

I let out a sigh because he was fucking right, and I both hated and loved that at the same time: I didn't want someone to completely have me all sussed out, but sometimes I needed him there to finish the sentences I couldn't complete on my own. I think that's love, but I'm just a little too scared of that word entirely, so I'll call it trust and comfort.

"I... I... I thought I was braver than I am, and oh god the things you do to me, Gee... I just-" Our eyes met as a smirk slithered across his lips; a general sense of smugness clinging to his entire demeanour, and this time, considering the situation, I didn't really mind. He could be as fucking smug as he wanted, as long as I could look into those eyes of his forever.