There's A Reason - A Larry Stylinson Love Story

Chapter 24 - I Was So Selfish

He sits there staring at me. I just confessed my undying love for him, and all the boy can do is stare at me? What did I do wrong?

The longer we’re sitting there, me waiting for his reaction and his expression blank, the more regretful I am. Why did I go through with this? I knew Louis didn’t like me. I knew he thought of me as a friend who he just happened to like to kiss and fool around with. Why did I have to let myself hope and listen to Liam?

I pulled away from him slowly, expecting him to move or say something. But he did nothing. All he had done since my confession was sit still and stare straight ahead with a glazed-over look in his eyes.

Turning, I fled the room. As I entered my bedroom I threw on a sweatshirt and trainers and snatched the keys to my car. Looking in the mirror, I saw a totally different boy from the one who had just been confessing his love for his best friend.

That Harry had been strong. He’d been standing tall, confidant and hiding his emotions, drawing courage. He’d been sure of himself and ready to take on the world.

This Harry was nothing like the original. He was hunched and fragile looking, with slightly puffy eyes and stained cheeks. His hair was a mess from tugging on it and he had a wild look in his shimmering green eyes. This Harry just looked defeated, as if he was ready to give up.

I spun away from the mirror, dashing down the stairs and peeking into the living room. Louis was still sitting in the exact same position I had left him in and his eyes hadn’t so much as blinked. I began to feel worry for his condition stirring in my gut, but I ignored it. I was the one who had braved everything to tell him I loved him. I was the one who waited so long to tell him for fear of rejection. And I was the one who was now leaving because I couldn’t face him knowing I had ruined our relationship forever.

I slammed the door shut behind me, climbing into my car and turning the key. I sped away at the maximum speed allowed, not bothering to switch on the radio. Glancing down at my phone in my lap, I realized it was still early. Good. Liam wouldn’t know I was gone for a few hours at least.

I had no idea where I was going and no plans to stop. I just kept driving and driving, turning this way and that and occasionally pulling down my beanie or throwing on massive sunglasses to prevent people from noticing who I am. The last thing I need is to end up on the news while I’m trying to get away from it all.

Eventually I felt my eyelids getting heavy and pulled into the nearest parking lot, which happened to be for a beach. Nobody was here by now as it was dark and the beach isn’t fun at night. I slipped the key from the ignition and dropped it on the seat beside me before resting my head on the steering wheel and letting out a huge sigh.

All day I’d forced myself not to think about it. I didn’t want to have to pull over if I was unable to continue driving. But now that I wasn’t moving, I let it all filter through my brain.

I had finally gotten the guts to tell Louis loved him, as more than a friend or a brother. Liam had encouraged me, but I didn’t blame him. He was just giving me a suggestion and telling me what he thought he saw. None of this was his fault.

Louis hadn’t believed me at first, but when he realized what I was saying he shut off. Like nobody was there inside his head. He didn’t move in any way and didn’t utter a sound. It was possible that he was just in shock. But who goes into shock over something like that? If he loved me, he probably wouldn’t have had that reaction. He would’ve grinned that funky Lou grin that I love and told me he loves me too, and we’d kiss and have our happy ending. So why did he close off from everything like that?

Truthfully, I was scared. I was shocked, confused, and honestly very worried. What if Louis was in shock and I’d left him there alone for hours? What if I’d caused a heart attack and nobody had found him fast enough? I would never forgive myself if my confession hurt him.

Just then, my phone buzzed. I picked it up to see fifteen texts from Liam and a couple each from Niall and Zayn. The latter two were just asking if I was okay and where I’d gotten off to. Liam said the same, with an added part to ask what had gone down between Louis and I and was there a reason he was curled up on the couch staring at nothing and doing nothing.

He was still frozen? I must’ve given him some extreme shock. I was no longer mad at him. Even if he hated me, even if he never wanted to be my friend or kiss me again, that wasn’t the reaction he’d meant to give me. I knew my Boo and I knew he always told you exactly what he thought. Which meant I’d actually put him into shock.

My phone’s ringtone went off and I checked who it was. Liam. I considered letting it go to voicemail but thought nothing bad could come of me answering, so I hit the button to answer.

“Hello?”

“Harry, thank god! We’ve been so worried! Niall’s crying because he thinks you’re dead or ran away and Zayn’s trying to comfort him but he wants me and all I can do is think about what could’ve happened to make you two- sorry, I’m going on and on again. How are you? Where are you? What happened?”

I didn’t even think about how my actions could hurt the other boys. I was so selfish. “I’m fine, Li. Don’t get yourself so worked up over me. I just… needed some fresh air. Space to think and, you know, calm myself down. I have no clue where I am but I have my car.” I answer most of his questions, hoping he doesn’t catch the fact that I avoided the last one.

“Okay, at least one of you is all right. Well, do you think you can find your way back?” He sounds relieved.

“What do you mean, at least one of us? And I can get back, but preferably not now in the middle of the night.”

“Louis hasn’t moved since we got here. The only thing we’ve gotten out of him is the sound of his rumbling stomach. What the heck happened here?”

I debated internally. Tell him, or don’t tell him? I’d told him everything in the past, so there was no reason to keep it to myself now.

“I told him. We were kissing again and I lost control and I finally told him. But he didn’t believe me. Then I repeated it and it was like he stopped feeling everything around him. I’m assuming he hasn’t moved a muscle since I confessed.”

I heard him sigh on the other end of the line. “He probably hasn’t. Look, Harry, I’ve got to help him and calm Niall down. The poor lad’s hyperventilating. Can you just get over here as soon as possible tomorrow morning? See you then.” He hung up on me before I could reply.

A text came in from Liam, asking if I was going to come. I didn’t hesitate to tell him yes. I would be fine, as long as I could stay away from Louis. If I saw him again, after he basically rejected me, would completely break.

Another text from Liam came in, telling me to go in through the back door using the hidden key. Nobody was going to be home when I got there, and he wanted me to get changed and freshen up and then meet him at this close by restaurant so we could talk. I gulped. I didn’t really want to have another heart-to-heart with Liam, but it didn’t look like I had much of a choice, so I agreed to that too.

It had been a really long day.