She never gave a FU*K✔

·5·

Her eyes shine with unshed tears. And her hands tremble when she digs her nails into the arm seat. She closes her eyes shutting them so tightly I feel bad for those orbs.

,, You know that I had problems with anger, especially after my mom, but it all got worst after summer 2015 of my 15!" Blinking her eyes I see tears rolling down her cheeks. They make a trail down falling on her shirt. I wanna wipe them but I keep my hands to myself.

,, I was in a dark place, depression, and anger issues aren't the best combination. You know my twin brother was barely home at that age already being adventurous, Andy was half of the time out of the house. It made me so angry that he stopped paying me attention. And dad was well being a dad. He was never home especially after mum p-pa-passed away." She chokes up and bends over again. Pushing her head between her knees trying to hide from the world, from the things that hurt her.

,, I was spending so much time with Cordon since I was little. He was there when no one else was. He was the only one who called me Angel, saying that I was his angel and that's when everyone else started calling me that. He is the reason why I despise that nickname—" her lips curl in distaste "—h-he was always touchy and I never took any-anything from it. But he was so damn obsessed with me a-and then when we were at our cabin in summer h-he. Fûck I can't!" Her nails scratch her scalp and she repeatedly rams her head onto her knees. I feel like someone is stabbing me over and over again. Already knowing where this is going.

She trusted him unconditionally and he did something so disgusting. I pull her into me and to my surprise, she doesn't push me away. Instead, she hugs me closer and cries so loudly my parents must feel freaked out. I wanna tell her she doesn't have to keep going that I know what Cordon possibly did.

But she speaks "when I-I was asleep h-he came t-to my room and he started to f-feel me u-up." She keeps on sobbing uncontrollably and clings to me much more forcefully. Her hands twisting my shirt as she pushes her head into my neck. I could see she was probably relieving the memory again and I felt like doing anything to save her.

,, I tried to fight h-him but h-he just did it and I couldn't fi-fight back. I cried a-and he did it ag-again and again—" she pulls away and I know it because she can't keep the human contact for long, she trusted him and he did such a fûcked up thing. When I think of it I wanna puke. "—I-I told my dad and he shipped me away b-but he couldn't let that ruin his image. H-he locked my brother in some sanatory and I-I thought I'll never see him again b-but he keeps on coming b-ba-back. Because he escaped and now I'm afraid even turning around the co-corner!"

She stands up and walks two steps away from me. I feel so angry, in my chest, something burns with the desire to kill. I hate what he did to her. And I don't want to think about it, I don't want her to think about it. About her sick dick of a brother, the one who was supposed to stand behind her, the one who betrayed her trust. Suddenly I don't feel angry at her for bullying me. I would go through it again if it meant she wouldn't go through that. Her mom did suicide letting three children fend for themselves. Her father who never paid notice and then tried to sweep it under the carpet. Her brother who would rather hurt her just to satisfy his own desires. Her twin who was so damn self-centered to notice. Her friends, who were so damn blind. School and justice services to just let the beasts walk among us.

I round the chairs and put my hands on her shoulders to steady her. She shakes her head to get rid of her demons. I pull her to my chest whispering soothing words in her ear.

,, You're safe, here with me and I won't let anyone hurt you. I promise if he comes here I will kill that bastard!" I know she probably doesn't appreciate that I'm talking about killing someone she once loved but I don't care.

Then my voice takes on a commanding voice, "Now we are going to go to my room and you are going to go to sleep," but my voice is much softer to not scare her away.

I practically command her and she nods into my chest. I keep her head pushed into my side wanting to protect her from the outside world. As we walk out of the room she's going even closer to me and I walk past my worried parents just nodding at them and leading her upstairs. As we walk into my room I wanna bang the door but she stops me. Her head down but palm up.

,, Leave it open—" I understand that she feels safer with her door open. "—please." Easier for her to run. I nod and give her from my closet some clothes wanting her to feel comfortable. She goes to my bathroom.

I close my eyes again. I feel so damn stupid for judging her that she lives like a goddamn princess. When she walks out she looks like a deer caught in headlights. But she looks quite cute. Well more like; so damn cute.

,, You sleep on the bed and I'll take the couch or if you want I can go to another room." She coughs and steps from foot to foot as if questioning the options. Then she says something that makes me gaping. My mouth left hanging.

,, I need you to hold me, the nightmares are better when I feel safe." I feel my heart skip a beat. She practically said she feels safe with me. I nod my head and my cheeks heat up with the thought of us being pressed to one another. With a minimum of clothes. I go to my bathroom and even though I usually wear only my boxers to bed I put my shirt on. Not wanting her to think that I wanna feel her up. Even tho her skin against mine feels so right. As I step out and walk to the bed where she's already laying on. It feels weird. No girl had ever occupied that mattress if I don't count my mom.

I slowly crawl next to her, keeping my space and giving her hers. She is on her side her beautiful red face turned to me. Her black hair is pushed back and I doubt I would be able to see it in the dark. The silhouette of her body under the blanket clearly showed her wide hips making me wanna push them against me. But I don't and I don't understand where are these thoughts coming from.

Then she turns around and pushes her whole back against me. Her delicate body against mine seems so fragile and her scent makes me stare wide-eyed at the back of her head. She breathes a sigh. And I question if it's relief or just scared.

,, I always liked you!" My heart stops but I don't answer. And she doesn't say anything else. No, she just falls asleep.