This is quite angsty and triggering (suicidal thoughts, self harm , self hate) so if you can't read it just PM me and I'll give you a summary of what happened. ^-^
also sorry
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Phil's pov
I left Dan's after a few hours of cuddling and gaming. I went home practically bursting with joy. I have a boyfriend! Literally, holy shit- I have a BOYFRIEND! But oh no- not just any boyfriend. Dan. D-A-N. Dan is my fucking boyfriend. My heart felt all warm and I felt genuinely happy- something I haven't felt in a hella long time.
I opened the door to my house a jump in my step. It felt like one of those clichè movie scenes. You know, the ones where the characters whistling and everyone's happy and shit? Yeah like that.
"Phil is that you sweetie?"
But it came crashing down. My mum doesn't know about my sexuality. Oh god she's going to hate me and reject me like all of my 'friends'. "Uhm.. Mum. Can you sit down please? I- uh- there's something I kinda need to tell you..." She looked shocked but nodded and took a seat and the kitchen table.
"Mum... I-I.."
"Phil, what is it sweetie?" My stomach churned and my heart pounded and my palms were clammy. Now or never, Phil.
"Mum. I'm gay."
"Y-your what?"
"Gay."
The colour drained from her face and she blinked a couple times. She swallowed before talking; "Phil, go to your room please. I need time to think." I froze. Her seeing I hadn't moved, she raised her voice; it becoming sharp and pointed, slicing through my shocked silence. "Now."
I instantly stood from my chair, and without a second thought or glance towards my mother, I hastily made my way to my room, banging my door closed behind me.
And then it all sunk in. I sat on my bed and wailed. Salty tears ran down my face and my chest ached and my head hurt and everything was just. Too. Much.
I started hyperventilating, searching the room for oxygen. I stood, my legs shaky and began looking for my razor, my vision clouded by my tears of sorrow.
I dragged the razor across my skin. Not long after, 20 cuts were placed on my left wrist.
"More." I croaked out.
I placed cuts on my waist, chest and thighs. I felt dizzy. I cleaned myself up but made the fateful mistake of looking in the mirror.
"Fat, ugly fag." I said, "why the fuck does Dan love you, what the fuck does he see in you?"
I sighed, cursing my existence and fell asleep.
And deep down, I wished I would never wake up.
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A/N *stares at you in awkward silence*
I'M SORRY OK.
I just idk. I dont really like how this is going and my souls kinda been sold to drarry oops.
but hi and ily guys so much ty for 800+ reads your all my baes ♡
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The Same, But Different (Phan) DISCONTINUED
FanfictionAfter an event that's sure to have ruined Phil's life, he feels he can't carry on. But when he meets beautiful boy Dan, both their worlds are put in a spin. But Dan's hiding something- he's as unhappy as Phil, despite his cheerful demeanour. Are the...
