King Of The Diamonds

Chapter 12 | afraid

I'm Not Saying Everything Is Survivable. Just That Everything Except The Last Thing Is.

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"Move the fuck out of my way." I yawn, pushing Cole out of my way so I can reach the coffee he had previously poured out.

"How delightful." He rolls his eyes, "Good sleep?"

I raise my eyebrows at him, taking a sip of the much needed coffee. "What do you think?"

"Nightmares?"

I shrug.

He frowns, "How'd your date go?"

"It was good." I stare into my cup, recalling the conversation I shared with Octavia. "I had to tell her a few things she didn't like."

"She still worried about you being near Rocky?"

"I don't know."

He sits down on one of the high stools, still facing me. The bags under his eyes become clearer as the sunlight shines in through the kitchen window. "She doesn't need to be worried. I've seen the way you look at her. You never looked at Rocky like that."

"She's not like Rochelle anyways, which is why I can't stay with her." I bite my lip. "She won't be able to cope with this lifestyle. I don't want this for her."

"No, you don't get to make that decision for her." Charlotte steps into the room, joining our conversation. "She knows what she's getting herself into. This won't be like what happened with Mom."

The mention of our mother hits me hard and I almost drop the cup I am holding. That's the exact reason why I can't stay with her forever, I can't damage her purity like my father did to my mother. I don't trust myself with her.

"You love Octavia. You need to stay with her." They know what happened to Mom. I refuse to ever cause that amount of pain.

"You don't understand." I struggle to stop my voice from breaking.

Charlotte and Cole look to each other, communicating with their eyes while I stay silent.

"Maybe we don't." Charlotte says finally, "But I know she loves you and you'll destroy her if you leave her."

If I was in conflict with myself before, I am entirely beaten as the words leave her lips. It makes me feel even worse to hear my inner turmoils spoken aloud.

"She can find someone else, someone better and safer for her." The sides of my lips turn up coldly, hopefully hiding my pain.

"No she wouldn't. That's not how love works."

I chuckle at Cole's comment.

"It's not funny, irmão." Cole scowls, "You and Rocky didn't work out because of Royal, right? Well that's bullshit because you wouldn't have worked out either way. Her love for you doesn't even begin to compare to her love for Kenzie. He's her soulmate. He calms the darkness in her and she's stronger when she's beside him. You told me that yourself. How can you believe that it's possible for Rocky and not yourself?"

"Because Rochelle's a good person, she's not messed up like me." I think back to my addiction and the continuous cravings. I think back to the month I spent in rehab trying to heal. The nightmares. The fears. The scars.

Rochelle has reason to be fucked up, I don't.

"I could stand here all day and list all of her flaws but I won't because that's unfair." Cole shrugs, "You deserve to be happy, as does Octavia. Don't fuck up your relationship because you're scared of commitment."