Cursed (Old Version)

Cursed: Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Focus. Focus... Fooooocccccuuuuus.

This is all I can think of to keep my mind from racing as I practice magic while sitting on my bed and floating objects all around me. The air feels thinner, lighter, so everything can be raised up to the sky. Everything around me feels free, as if even I could touch the sky if I wanted to. A sense of peace washes over me, and then deep breath fills up my lungs slowly as I keep repeating to myself to focus; just clearing my mind of everything except those repeating words. I need to stay centered... I need to be at peace...

Then, my eyes twitch a little, and my arms begin to shake. Not AGAIN... My mind begins to race as the dam blocking my active mind starts to give way. I just need to focus, though! However, my eyes begin to cry and my heart feels like it's quivering. My whole body shakes and I collapse down onto my bed with all my pencils and feathers crashing down around me, as well.

I wipe my eyes, trying to catch my breath as Asher's face flies into my mind, captivating it completely. All I can do for minutes is keep replaying that entire night and zeroing in on his cryptic message. It's haunted me ever since...

Needless to say, my week hasn't been really busy since then. Due to the fact that I got told I might die, which is a bit obvious when you think about it, my emotions have been on edge. Under the recommendation from my family, since I kept breaking plates all Saturday morning, I was ADVISED to take it easy and meditate. My mother urged me to find out what was bugging me and to try to resolve it, because it'll give me peace. I just...don't know how to resolve it. How do you resolve cryptic, threatening messages like that? Call the cops or cry?

Now, a logical person would just ask her parents about what to do. As it is, my family is not entirely normal so talking about this kind of stuff tends to fall under a typical Tuesday night conversation. However...what if I'm wrong? What if this isn't just some weird thing that happens to you when you can do magic? Or worse, what if there's nothing they can do to help me? I just don't want to worry them...I'm already worried enough as it is.

All this meditating is strangely helping me though, and by Sunday afternoon I'm not unconsciously breaking stuff. However, is it helping because I'm centering myself or because I'm pretending that my problem doesn't exist anymore? Who truly knows...but I don't intend to find out anytime soon. It might mess up my good luck with...whatever it's doing.

Even though I haven't broken anything for an entire day, my family still insists on me staying home on Monday, however I beg them to reconsider until they relent. I figure some normality can help me a great deal right now. Luckily, my brother supports me, which helps our parents with the whole relenting and stuff.

Monday morning comes too soon though, before the birds wake up to be entirely honest. As I step out of the shower I rub the fog off the mirror, even though my mother tells me not to because it makes the mirror dirty, but I find a need to look at the black spot making my heart seem as if it's hollow. I touch it gingerly, wincing in anticipation for something to happen, but just frown when nothing does. I have no idea what to do...except cover it up so that no one knows it exists.

Which is exactly what I do. I dig through my pile of laundry on the floor of my closet, hunting for my purple turtle neck. I sniff back any nerves as I look at myself in the mirror once I get completely ready, recognizing the face looking back at me, but still noticing a change in the feeling of the reflection. The girl who's happy and carefree in the pictures on my wall behind me is not the person who's meeting my eyes now. My entire soul...has changed. Perhaps that's what happens when you kill someone. Perhaps this is what happens to people like me. I feel cursed, despite whether or not I actually am.