Though We May Fall {An Aphmau AU}

Neither Here Nor There

**Aphmau's POV**

    I shut the door, shouldering my dance bag on one arm and holding my costume bag on the other. It had been a real hassle bringing everything up three floors, but I was finally back in my dorm. Trudging through the room towards my bedroom, I tried desperately to ignore the aching of my pounding heart against my chest, beating the words I couldn't forget into my head over and over again.

    As I walked past, Dottie looked up from where she was lounging on her bed, her earbuds in and a book laid out on the bed in front of her. One look at me and she was up and grinning, taking my costume from my hands.

    "How did it go Aph? I know I came to the opening night, but I'm sure it was even better after two weeks!" I looked at her, trying not to show her my true emotions. She could obviously tell that I was out of it, so she blushed slightly and rubbed the back of her neck. "Sorry, you must be exhausted and my rambling sure as hell doesn't help does it? Anyway, I made tacos- there's a plate for you on the counter. We'll leave for Wicked  in about an hour, okay?" I nodded, opening the door to my room, tossing my dance bag down by the dresser. Dottie placed my costume gently next to it before leaving with a smile, shutting my door behind her.

    I sighed, reaching up to take the sparkling tiara from my head. Bringing it down in front of my face, the glitter from the multitude of false diamonds is almost blinding in my dim room. The shine appears all around, landing on the ceiling and catching the glow of the glow-in-the-dark stars littering the white ceiling. My old room at my dad's house had stars all across the ceiling; sometimes, watching those stars had been the only things keeping me from running away to Phoenix Drop. Now however, they were a sorry reminder of the fact that things never change, no matter how hard you try to believe otherwise.

    It took all of my self-control to gently place the tiara on my dresser instead of throwing it across the room and watching it shatter into a million sparkling stars to rival those in the sky. My head hadn't stopped pounding since that first moment everything went downhill. It was beating a tattoo against my skull, constantly reminding me of every single detail I tried to forget. I took out my tight bun, bobby pins littering the surface of my dresser as I tried to relieve the stress on my aching head. Once my hair was free from all constraints, I ran my brush though it, feeling the remaining hairspray raining on my shoulders like dandruff. It did nothing to relieve the pain that had my hands shaking with every movement.

    I slipped out of my body liner and tights, feeling the cool breeze generated from the ceiling fan caress my body with a gentle touch. Grabbing my bathrobe, I slipped out of my room and into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I pulled out a makeup wipe and started wiping down my face, removing all traces of makeup from my tan face. It took several long minutes to recognize myself again in the mirror, and I looked away as soon as I was done, refusing to look in the mirror at my bare face any longer.

    The shower was heaven, the hot water burning away the little care I still had left. With the crystal droplets raining down on my face and body, the salty tears that intermingled with them were hardly noticed. It was only when a sound escaped my cracked lips that I noticed the salty taste in my mouth and the blurriness in my vision. I prayed to Irene that Dottie still had her earbuds in. It didn't matter anyway; I let the tears fall and the sobs rush past my lips in angry bursts.

    Stepping out of the shower, I was grateful for the steam covering the mirror and hiding my face from view. I didn't want to see my red eyes rimmed with silver staring back at me. The towel I wrapped around myself was rough but it anchored me back down to Earth, bringing me back from the clouds I had been drifting among. I quickly left the bathroom and slipped back into my own room, hoping that Dottie didn't see me with my emotions spread for the whole world to see.

    I spent the next twenty minutes getting dressed, and in the end, I only wore a oversized sweater and jeans, throwing my still-wet hair up into a ponytail. I didn't bother with mascara and instead threw myself onto my bed, trying to block out the rest of the world for another couple minutes.

    The second the warm blankets surrounded my shivering form however, I felt all the borders inside shatter. The hot tears welled up once more, burning the corners of my eyes as I desperately tried to keep them from falling. My entire body was shaking, my hands and chest the worst of all. I curled up into a ball, pressing my fist into my mouth to lessen the noise of the sobs wrenching through my small frame. Burying my head in a pillow, I let all the pain covering my heart wash away and spread throughout. I felt almost completely numb within a few minutes.

    "Hey Aph? Do you want your..." I didn't look up as I heard Dottie come into the room, her voice fading as she took in the sorry state I was in. She left my door open, shutting off my overhead lights to grant me some relief from the ache in my head. I felt the bed sink slightly under her weight as she sat down, and next thing I knew, she was pulling my head into her lap and rubbing my arms, giving me the only solace she could. She let me cry and cry, not even asking why my world seemed to be falling apart. She somehow knew exactly what I was going through and knew that the last thing I wanted right now was to be forced to bring up the cause of my suffering. Dottie sat there and held me as everything I had come to care for shattered beyond repair.