Chapter 37

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Marlon was probably the most confusing man I'd ever met. He did certain gentlemanly gestures, like open the door or lend a coat on a cold spring night. Yet he was still crass and straight forward, as if he was a tramp.

I wondered if how he grew up caused him to be this way. Was he spoiled rotten like Paul, or was he a pauper kicking empty cans? Did he have a job as a boy? Did he deliver the local newspapers in the morning dew?

Why does he feel as if he can't love? And most of all, has he ever loved? I looked at the side profile of Marlon's face as we stood in front of the Actor's Studio. His wool jacket was draped over my shoulders, I held onto it to keep it on with the tips of my fingers.

A cigarette was pressed between his full lips, he stood for a moment as if he was thinking. I silently waited for him to direct me inside. He turned to me, put out his cigarette and then placed his hand on the small of my back.

Unlike Paul, it slid down to my ass as he held it. At the door he opened it for me to enter ahead of him, then rubbed his hand down to my ass again. I looked up to him, wondering why I took that from anyone. What was it about him that made it okay? Was it okay?

People who looked very sad silent whispered amongst each other and smoked cigarettes and pipes. Marlon led me down a dark stairwell with high ceilings.

On one of the landings, stood a guy with chestnut hair and glasses. He wore a coat with the collar popped up and he was wedged in a corner. He watched us slowly as we passed and I tried to avoid eye contact with him.

Walking downstairs, we walked into a class that was listening to the teacher speak intently. As we passed through, I saw Paul sitting on a backwards chair. He leaned forward, resting his arms on the back of the chair adjacent to his chest. A cigarette hung out of his mouth lazily while his blue eyes were so focused on the teacher in front of him, he didn't notice us.

The sight of Essie sitting next to him upset my stomach

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The sight of Essie sitting next to him upset my stomach. Her shoulder length dark hair hitting her shoulders. Her eyebrow was risen as she looked forward, it was perfectly shaped and framed her face. Her clothes fit her as if they were tailored, her makeup was tasteful.

It upset me that someone with such an ugly personality could have such a pretty exterior. Jealousy washed through me as I passed by while I thought that she had all I should have. She had talent, beauty, money and most of all, Paul.

Paul was so seduced by those prospects he'd rather choose her in public and me silently in a hotel room. Her hotel room, another asset belonging to Essie.

Almost as if my bigger thoughts attracted her attention, she looked over at Marlon and I. For a moment, shock spread across her face. Then she inched up next to Paul, not even bothering him to call his attention to me.

"Let's sit here." Marlon suggested as he placed his hand on the small then put pressure on it. I sat in the seat he suggested, then he sat next to me in the aisle seat. I tried to keep my eyes forward, but when I looked back Paul was staring at me.

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