Lights. (An AJR fanfic)

Chapter 16

Songs I listened to:

No Faith in Brooklyn- by Hoddie Allen (ft. Jhameel)

On Top of the world- by Imagine Dragons

Street Lights- by Kanye West

Sight of the Sun- by Fun

••••• JACKS POV •••••

You know that feeling that you're moving too fast, so fast, and you can't stop, and your not stopping, and you really can't decide weather to hold on for dear life, trying to stop everything, or just smile and enjoy the free ride?

That's me 24/7, because of Kay. Because of work, because of everything in life. It's all going by so fast, and I can't stop anything, and I don't really wanna stop, but I don't wanna keep going. I want to pause every few moments and just examine and see further into what I'm doing. I want to know if I should do this, if I should do that, but there's nobody here to tell me what to do.

Should I switch record companies with a world tour so close at hand? Will there be financial trouble and lawyers and politics involved? Or should I wait, or not even change at all. At least with this, Ryan and Adam, both older than me and have more experience in life, can help me. We're in this together, but I still have to try and form an opinion of my own right? That's what adulthood is all about. But I wanna stop.

Should I get up my courage and ask Kay out? We're only going to be together for a week so far. We barely know each other, even though it's felt like I've known her my whole life. I want to spend more time with her, I want to know what she thinks, I want to help her get over whatever things in her past she hints at but never let's out. This I'm on my own with. I've told Adam, I'm not sure I trust Ryan when he sleeps in the next room over, but Adam can't really help. He's so calm, all the time, his girlfriends almost so hippy like I wonder if their high. He never seems in love, just lonely. He's not the best at talking and giving advice anyway. But I wanna keep going.

I find every way to touch her, I always find excuses to lead her through a hall way, sit beside her, play with her hair. She never minds, which is amazing all in itself, but I never know what the hell is going on through her mind. She's not one who's too shy to tell me she doesn't like it, but she's not one to tell me to keep doing it either. She's so damn confusing!

I watch her as she gets more water from the tap in the kitchen, chugging her second glass of water with a cringe. I furrow my eyebrows, frowning at her.

"What's wrong with the water?" I ask with a smirk, watching her as she sets the half empty glass down on the counter, as she leans forward on her elbows, unconsciously blowing a strand of her blonde hair out of her face. My hand itches to move it for her, but I don't let myself do it. I tell myself not to.

"Nothing, I just don't like water," she makes a face and I smile, but I'm still confused.

"You don't like water?" I ask, glad to have something to talk about, no matter how dumb. I don't even find it dumb, and I find myself storing that little bit of her someplace in the back of my mind, just far away to not think much about, but just close enough to pull the file back out if needed.

"No. It's gross. It just tastes like nothing," she frowns at the water, as if it hurt her somehow.

"Well, there's orange juice in the fridge if you want," I offer.

"I'm not thirsty anymore, but thanks. Also, I'm not digging around in someone else's fridge," she smiles at me again and I mirror her, watching her eyes as they flit slowly from my eyes to her glass of water and back.

"So.." I trail off,trying to bring anything up to keep her talking. I remember reading something as a little kid that never left my mind, "If I can't love you as a lover, I'll love you as a friend," and almost hopeless moments like these brought back that quote, always giving me the smudge of hope I needed to continue until next time.