Wolf at Heart

Chapter Fifty: His Worries

Extra Update: Hey guys, I know this chapter is kind of a heavy one, but I have a surprise at the end of it so keep reading!

"The baby was a girl," I whispered on an exhale of breath. "A girl, not a boy."

Ash looked completely shocked and I looked down again, rushing out the words.

"My parents had no more money left at that point. The couple refused to give them it back and disappeared, leaving my parents with another mouth to feed.

"Since our family has been farmers for generations, naturally guys were prized over girls to do all the work and everything. Girls weren't exactly as 'useful,' so when I came into the world, I was basically dead weight. Wasted money.

"According to my 'parents,' I was the cause of all their troubles. They take it out on me by forcing me to do the tasks they know I can't and...beating me when it's done. They hate me because they were fooled, taken in. I wasn't the solution, just the problem -- another problem."

I felt like I was choking as I said the last of it.

"I'm not my parent's real child. My real parents didn't want me and Father told me that they'd died from the epidemic going on at the time when he went to investigate. I'm an orphan."

I'm an orphan.

There. I'd said everything that could've been said. And I still felt like I was being suffocated.

They say once you let it out, you'd feel a thousand times better. Once I'd let it out, it felt like I was betraying everything I'd lived for.

And the thing was I hadn't even known for that long. I'd only found out recently, when my Father had pulled me aside all while back. One last cruel remark before I left, possibly for good. I'd tried not to think about it, which turned out somewhat successful. But I couldn't hide for forever.

I risked a glance up at Ash, still feeling an immeasurable amount of guilt.

His head was down and I couldn't see his expression. But I'd been around him for a while now, and I'd learned to read his body language. His hands were loose, his body relaxed. He didn't seem worried or angry or anything at all. Like it didn't matter.

Confused, I reached out, not sure whether I was going to tap on his shoulder or what, But then I stopped midway.

What if he was just hiding his emotions? What if he was disgusted with me as my parents had been?

What if...what if...

I retracted my hand but then Ash reached out and stopped me. He looked up.

"When I asked about your scars...I didn't expect you to tell me everything," Ash said and I glanced at his hand holding mine in place.

I knew it. He hadn't wanted to hear it and I'd overdone it and I never should've said anything --

"But," Ash added, his eyes clear of any revulsion, showing nothing but concern. "I'm glad that you trusted me enough to tell me. I know it couldn't have been easy, to say the least."

Releasing a pent up breath, I laughed shakily, having a grudging admiration for him. He knew just what to say. Every time.

"You could say that again," I responded, attempting to sound light, leaning back against the bed's rough headboard. The catch in my voice betrayed me though. As if I haven't been transparent enough already.

He was quiet for a while. So was I. We sat in somewhat comfortable silence, each absorbed in their thoughts.

To break the mounting tension, I spoke. "Is there a plan for tomorrow?"