The Funeral Style

Chapter Forty-Six

I apologize for the chapter being so short, though I would like to say that the next chapter will be the final chapter BUT there will also be an epilogue. <3  

Chapter Forty-Six 

I awoke in a bed of white. An irritating beeping, never ending, never stopping, never ceasing.

I glanced around, to see I was in a hospital bed. It took me longer than it should to remember what had happened, until a familiar cramp, though not nearly as bad as it had been, erupted in my stomach, making me wince.

That was when I noticed Elias, staring at the wall, his foot tapping the floor anxiously. He didn't seem to notice I was awake, so I took this moment to study him. 

I've never seen him look more nervous than now. Everything about him was unsteady, as if he tried so hard to gather himself as he normally does but was failing immensely.

I hated seeing him like this. I hated him being so out of control of himself. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Elias?" My voice came out in barely a whisper, but his head snapped to me as if I had shouted.

"Avril." He rushed to my side, "Are you alright?"

I frowned now knowing what to say, so I chose to lie, "Of course I am, though," I glanced around, "I don't remember being brought here."

He blinked at me incredulously, "I found you passed out in a pool of your own blood. I had assumed someone had attacked you, that you were wounded in some quarrel." He paused, just staring at me, and I found I couldn't handle the weight of his stare, so I looked away as he continued, "Imagine my surprise to find it was not a stab wound, but a miscarriage."

A miscarriage. I had expected that, but the word still sucked the breath from my lungs and made my heart plummet. My child. The fear I had for becoming a mother was nothing compared to the feeling of knowing it won't happen at all.

My baby was dead. I had known it for one day. One day. Is this some sort of joke?

"I was going to tell you." I say to him, because it's the only thing I can think to say, "I had only found out when I was out with Maggie."

"You didn't think to tell me immediately?"

"I-" I was cut off when the doctor walked in, he introduced himself, and told me what Elias had already said.

Miscarriage. Miscarriage. Miscarriage.

I won't be a mother after all.

"Now that you are awake," The doctor said, "We will wait on the test results, and if everything is clear, we will prescribe you a painkiller, and you can go home, alright?"

His words bounced off my head like nothing. I had managed to zone out into my own thoughts until Elias said something, and I gathered the basic understanding that he was talking to me.

The doctor was gone, and Elias was staring at me, and I didn't hear a word he said because I was thinking about how I couldn't even carry a baby I just met for one day. "What?"

He sighed; his face suddenly relaxing as he slowly sat on the edge of the bed. His voice was softer now, as though the anger evaporated, and he was left with the misery that also clung to me. We were going to be parents, and now we aren't. "Why didn't you tell me, Avril?"

I stared at him for a long moment, not knowing whether I should tell the truth or not. Then I realized the truth may hurt less than a lie, so I let the words fall out, "I wasn't sure if you'd want it."

"Why on earth would you think that?"

"Because-"

"Because you don't trust me? Because you think I'd abandon you with a baby, our baby?"

Yes. Sort of. "Of course not."

He looked at me, and for the first time ever, I noticed a look of hurt flash across his face. I had hurt him, and that made me feel a million times worse.

"I'm sorry Elias, I was going to tell you, but I wanted to wait and figure out how." It was a stupid excuse, but it was all I could say.

"I recognize that I'm theatrical with my work, but damn it, Avril, you should have just told me."

"I know."

There was a long silence, I stared at my quivering hands, and I could feel Elias stare right on me.

Finally, he spoke, "We'll bury it tomorrow."

I look up at him, "What?"

"It matters not how long we've known of it, whether it was years only a few hours. This was our child, and it deserves a burial like any other. I've buried many unborn children; this wouldn't be my first."

"You're used to it."

"No." He said, his voice sudden and a bit cold, "I'm used to burying anyone else, but not-" He paused for a moment, our eyes locked, and finally, when he gathered the words to say, he continued, "not my own child, this, I admit, will be a first."

We said nothing for a long while. I stared at the white sheets covering me, and heard nothing but the beeping of the machines, and the faint voices of nurses rushing about in the emergency room.

The cramping in my stomach was nearly gone, but I knew that was all thanks to the painkillers they had pumped me with. Part of me wished to feel the pain again, to take my mind off of how miserable I feel emotionally.

I turn to Elias, I stare at him once more. He looked significantly less nervous that he had when I had first woken up. He seemed to gain control of his stature once more, and he had transformed back into the man I married. That, at least, made me feel a little bit better.

"Elias?" I ask, and he turns to me.

"Yes, Avril?"

"Do you want children?"

He blinked at me, his answer came a second too late, "Do you?"

"I think I do."

A small grin formed on his lips, "You know, that was never part of the deal."

"No," I say, forcing a smile of my own, "It wasn't."

He said nothing for a long moment, and so I thought that was my answer, that he didn't want children after all.

And then he spoke, "I would like it." He said finally, "I would like to become someone more."

"Someone more?"

He wasn't looking at me now, he was staring again at the wall, "Yes. I see the dead every day. I bury them, I bid them farewell, but it seems I have no familiarity with the living. To bring a life to this world. I'd become more. Something extravagant. Something new."

"I've never thought about it like that."

"Neither have I until this very moment." His eyes went back to me, "Let us become parents, Avril. Do not let this misfortune deter you."

His words sent a fire throughout my body, warming my chest and broken heart. "Alright." I say to him, because that is all I could muster saying without crying.

"Alright."