give her love » james potter

8

I sit in front of James Potter early Monday morning, far too tired to be dealing with his shit.

My head is tipped back, and I lazily count how many times one of the flies does a circle around the classroom. I get to twelve before James grows too uncomfortable with silence and opens his mouth.

"I think we should actually do a movie," he blurts out.

My eyes move away from Grant, the fly, and settle on the boy in front of me. He looks almost unsure at the moment about his words, but he continues anyway because he is many things, unconfident is not one of those.

"In the summer Remus took us to see Star Wars, and I thought itwassocool," he says, so fast I almost can't understand him. "Like, you being able to record things, and then watching them on the big screen. God, have you ever watched a movie?" He says it so innocently, I don't even dare to reply sarcastically.

"I watched Exorcist with my brother," I say.

He tilts his head. "Is it good?"

"It was a bit scary for me."

The fact there is a horror genre seems to make him swoon. He leans in closer and I am almost too close to him, almost. He starts to ask me too many questions about scary movies, and if there's any good ones coming out if I think he could be an actor, to which I respond with a tip on controlling his hair.

But somehow it's almost nice talking to him, about something horrible mundane like movies. It makes me feel a bit normal like I'm at just a normal teenager.

After I have explained every single genre an I know of, he sighs. "God, Pierce. How am I supposed to make a movie now, too many possibilities, too many choices, I'm horrible at this stuff."

"We kind of need a plot," I tell him gently when he looks as if he's almost about to cry trying to decide.

"I thought we were going with, you're John and I'm George," he says.

"That's a start," I say, scribbling it onto a blank parchment. "But we need a clear, concise sort of message or something."

He runs a hand through his hair. "Uhm, how about a day in the life or something."

"A biography?"

I jot it down, and then suddenly he starts pouring out more ideas. How this is going to be us filmed doing normal wizard stuff, but in a muggle camera, so it'll be artistic. He tells me that his parents will buy the camera, even when I say I'll chip in half the money he just waves me off.

Something about it excites me. Being on camera. Being apart of something.

But I think that's normal because wanting to be included, is the most human thing that's ever been. We crave groups, we crave people, we crave have connections. We live off our friendships, marriages, families because it makes us feel like we're apart of something.

Sitting in Muggle Studies with James Potter, I feel like I'm a part of something again.

So when we're dismissed I'm terribly sad. It means that I have to take my bus back to Alone-ville, with Siobhan as my plus one. I walk out of the class, and at this point, it's obvious probably that my mood has gone from a solid eight back to my usual two.

The no talking thing seems to be final as I sit alone with Siobhan for dinner.

It reminds me of the day I was sorted. I remember being devastated, I remember wanting to cry, to yell, to shout because I was supposed to be in Gryffindor. Just like Eli, and then we'd get to spend our time and be normal siblings again. Hufflepuff wasn't part of that plan, hell, we made fun of the house.

I remember going and finding a seat, and sitting alone because that's how mum dealt with bad things. She wasn't great at talking through it or finding a good solution, she'd just be alone for a long time till one day she'd be okay.

I am my mother's daughter, that's something I know for sure. But sometimes I think that I'm not as strong as her.

My eyes flicker to them, my old friends, they're talking and laughing. They're all still living and moving on, it makes me think, was I so inconsequential that I could be left and forgotten in less than a few days. It makes me so sad, so I keep my gaze on Siobhan.

"Can I be in your film," she asks.

I drop my spoon and some peas jump out of my plate. "I haven't even told you about it," I say, suspiciously.

She brushes her hair back. "Well, I heard Dorcas Meadowes talking about it, who heard from Sirius Black, who heard from, well," Siobhan points towards the Gryffindor table, "your partner."

"We're doing a biography type thing," I try to explain.

Her mouth turns into a large smile. "About who?"

"About us. Him. Me. I don't really know the details yet."

I think about the sentence. Him. Me. Us. It makes it seem like this is some epic love story like I'm discussing a future date, or something more interesting than a school project. Then I wonder, are we interesting enough to do make a movie about. Sure, James is full of jokes and too much energy, but me? I'm awfully plain, maybe even boring compared to him.

My grades are decent, not stellar or shit. I can be funny sometimes, but I'm not really a funny person. I don't have a great personality, it's just okay. I'm not beautiful or anything, but I'd like to say I'm pretty sometimes.

I'm probably the most average person in the world.

I look over to the Gryffindor table, searching, then I see a familiar pair of glasses. James meets my gaze and smiles at me. I give him a weak one back.

"Is that a yes," Siobhan asks.

She looks hopeful and excited, so I give her a small smile, "Well your part of my life, aren't you?"