give her love » james potter

9

Halloween arrives on the coldest day of the year, with frost coating everything is sight and rumors of snowfall spreading around the school.

It makes me absolutely miserable.

Halloween has always been a family thing. Mum and dad always took a few days off, we'd all carve pumpkins, dress up and take some pictures, have a big dinner. When Eli was at Hogwarts we'd still do our little version of it and sneak out the castle to Hogsmeade and have some pumpkin related food or lots of candy. Then when he left he'd always meet me at our spot with candy and food from mum, who didn't approve of sneaking out but still sent food because she's a mum.

This is my first one alone. It's my first holiday alone. The first of many, I suppose.

It's honestly really fucking sucks.

So I choose to do what anyone upset would do, skip classes and lie in my bed. Wrapping myself in layers of blankets until for a few moments all I can feel is warmth and the fuzz of my blankets. Then it starts.

I cry, I cry, I cry.

It feels endless, and there are so many reasons for all of the tears, and my bones shake within my skin. But it feels so much better than keeping it in.

Mum. Dad. Eli. Rory. Will. Mum. Dad. Eli. Rory. Will. I repeat their names again and again and again, hoping that maybe they'll here me, from heaven or wherever people go once they die.

I love you, I tell them, and then again, I love you, I love you, I love.

After what feels like forever, I don't hear it, but I feel it somewhere in my heart. Their I love you's ripple through me.

I end up in the kitchen late at night, after my stomach finally begs me to get up and eat something, to which I agree and tiptoe out. An elf brings me some leftover shepherds pie, and my growling stomach makes them run to get even more food.

"Mhmm," I let out as I bite in the pie, and every little head seems to turn to me and smile. "This is so good," I say stuffing more food into my mouth.

"Looks like it," a voice says out of nowhere, making me jump.

I turn to see James and his friends at the entrance, all staring at me and my little feast. "No," I say before anyone can say a word. "No. Not today. Let me eat in peace."

"Remus just wanted some chocolate."

Oh.

I look over to him. Remus Lupin. Oh lord. He's in a white t-shirt and some trousers, but if it's possible my heart has just exploded. He looks so dashing and handsome and cute and every adjective that means I think he's good looking.

I bite my lip, hoping my face hasn't become red and that perhaps one day I'll still have a chance with him. "That's okay then."

James gives me a strange look as his friends wander off to find chocolate somewhere in the kitchen, I expect him to go with them, but instead, he sits beside me.

His hand quickly goes to my spoon but I hit it away.

"Come on, Pierce," he mutters and gives me a pout. "I'm a growing lad, I need lots of nutrients."

"And I haven't eaten anything today," I say.

"Your eyes sure were devouring Moony."

I choke on my food.

He starts to crack up, because for some reason apparently my embarrassment and almost dying seem to humor him.

I shove him a little. "Sod off."

He won't stop. "Oh Lord, you don't write, Mrs. Angelina Lupin on your papers, do you?" When I keep staring at my food instead of answering, a devilish little smile starts growing on his face. "Want me to set you--"

"No!"

At this point, I hope I'll drop dead. James is embarrassing enough, but now that he knows that I find Remus attractive, I really don't know what ways he's gonna find to make fun of me. I bury my head in my arms hoping maybe I'll disappear.

We stay in our little silence for a few moments, and as I peak through my arms, I see that he's managed to receive his own plate of food. He catches my eyes and before I can look away, he holds up a biscuit, like some peace treaty.

He smiles when I take it.

We hear them before we see them his. His friends.

They come back laughing and with loads of foods in their arms. It's sort of fascinating seeing them together, when he's with them, James seems to relax. All of them are like pieces of a puzzle that complete each other. They have history. They have connections. Without one it feels like the group would topple because somehow they've managed to find the perfect combination.

I'm jealous. I think most people are because they've managed to find friends who we all dream about.

"Bye, Pierce," James says, taking me out of my thoughts. He's gotten up and is leaving with the others, but his eyes are on me as he walks out.

Sirius Black makes a scoffing sound, "Oh god, Prongs, just--"

Before he can finish his words, James is shoving him and they're friend group dissolves in a pile of laughter. Leaving me confused and alone with my food.