Falling to Pieces(Kit and Ty)

Chapter 15

Emma could tell Julian was worried. He kept a careful eye on Ty and Kit, probably making sure that neither of them was hungry. After what had happened with Ty, Julian would never let that happen again. His family meant everything to him and it was obvious. He was always there for them, ready to help. Emma doubted that death could separate Jules from his family.
The events of yesterday were still running through her head. They had made it out of the thorn wall, but it had been no easy task. Emma still hated that her family had put their lives in danger. She still remembered her first experience with the thorn wall. She and Jules had barely made it out alive. Emma had been more scared than she thought possible, constantly worrying about her family. When Dru had gotten caught, Emma thought that she was losing another family member. But, she had refused to let Dru die. She refused to let any of the Blackthorns die. Livvy had already been too much.
     After they made it out of the thorns, they had gone to find Kieran. They snuck into the tower, and searched for the Unseelie King. They were spotted by a group of Redcaps, guarding the throne room. They had fought until Kieran noticed and told the Redcaps to stand down. Emma found the Redcaps very unsettling and was glad when they left. It had taken Kieran a moment to catch up on what was happening, but once he figured it out, he helped the group form a plan. The Wild Hunt had taken them to the border where Seelie and Unseelie lands met. Emma and her family had walked the rest of the way.
Now, Ty and Kit were safe and Emma felt like she could finally breathe again. While Kit and Ty were gone, she felt as if she were holding her breath. She had frozen while the whole world moved around her, unsure of what to do as life moved on like nothing had happened. She was free now, able to live and be happy. Her family was safe, and it was like nothing else mattered.
Emma winced when her feet touched the ground, pain shooting through her toes and up to her ankles. Each step was worse than the last, but she tried to mask the pain. She had to keep moving, even if it meant having bruised feet. Julian's hand brushed against hers as they walked, a constant reminder of his presence. It was comforting to have him there beside her. He would always be there, and knowing that was something some people couldn't have. Emma realized how lucky she was to have Julian, the Blackthorns, and Cristina. They would support her no matter what, and Emma couldn't imagine a life without their support, constantly worried about someone's judgement. It was a world Emma didn't dare to think about.
     Emma still couldn't figure out what was bothering Julian. She watched him carefully, studying his facial expressions. She found herself getting lost in his Blackthorn eyes which were filled everything that made Julian, well, Julian. His eyes shone with sorrow and regret. Emma want to protect Julian from whatever was hurting him. But, she didn't know what was making him feel that way. She carefully held Julian's arm and began tracing letters on the bare skin.
    W-H-A-T- I-S- W-R-O-N-G-?
    Julian looked down at his arm where Emma's hand had been smiled weakly. "I'm fine, Em."
    Emma shook her head and dragged him by the arm away from the rest of the group. "What's really going on?"
    Julian sighed and lowered his head, running a hand through his tangled hair. He hadn't brushed it for days, yet Emma still thought it looked perfect. Julian would never not be perfect.
    "I can't help but notice that something's going on with Kit," he said, looking over his shoulder to make sure the rest of the group couldn't hear him. They had stopped, some of them resting on the ground, others leaning against a tree. "I know it's probably because he was imprisoned in Faerie and that can change people, but something seems—off."
    Emma nodded and waited for him to continue. She would always be there to listen to Jules, and she would support him no matter what. She knew that he was often good at reading people, and trusted him, even if he didn't trust himself.
    "I hoped to never think of it again, but seeing Kit reminds me of when Magnus—" he choked on the words, "when
he—"
    "When he took away your ability to love," she filled in, saving him from having to say the words himself.
    Julian nodded. "He seems—different from before. He doesn't talk much. He never smiles. Maybe I'm going crazy."
    Emma placed her hands on his shoulders, shaking her head. "You're not going crazy. If anything, I'm crazy for not noticing. Now that I think of it, he has been acting strange. I've just been so focused on saving Kit and Ty that I didn't even think to—"
    Julian cut her off. "Don't blame yourself, Em," he said gently, lifting her chin with his finger. "I only noticed because I went through it. I just can't think of who would do this to Kit."
    "Maybe it was Magnus?" Emma suggested.
    "He would never," he said immediately. "He hated the idea of putting the spell on me. He definitely wouldn't do it again after everything that happened."
Emma nodded and tucked a strand of Julian's hair behind his ear. "I believe you, Jules." Julian's face lit up with a smile, his Blackthorn eyes bright. The skin around his eyes crinkled with the smile. He was so beautiful. Emma doubted that he knew how beautiful he was.
    Perfect, Emma thought. Julian reached for her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Emma leaned against Julian and rested her head on his shoulder. She heard Julian's soft laugh and felt his hand playing with her braided hair. She closed her eyes, and sighed. She couldn't imagine a life without Julian, although she had lived a life like that before. It had only been three years since they no longer had to worry about the parabatai curse. They had been through so much, trying to avoid their feelings for each other. Now they were free to be in love, and they didn't have to worry about a destructive curse.
"We should head back," Emma suggested. "The others are probably wondering where we are."
Julian nodded and headed back to his family. Emma followed behind him, hating herself for being so stupid. She hadn't noticed anything wrong with Kit, and she wouldn't have noticed if it weren't for Julian. She glanced at Kit and shuddered, seeing truly for the first time what Julian had pointed out. She quickly turned away, unable to take it anymore.
Memories of what she'd already lost flashed before her eyes; her parents, Livvy, and now Kit. Emma felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist, and immediately knew that it was Julian. She turned to face him, unable to chase away the memories. Julian's soft gaze reminded Emma that she wasn't alone.
    "We'll figure something out, Em," Julian said softly.
    Emma rested her head on his shoulder, nodding slowly. Julian hadn't said that everything would be okay, and she appreciated that. Emma hated hearing those words, especially since not everything ended up being alright. Julian knew that about her, and always found something better to say. It was one of the many reasons why Emma loved him; he always payed attention to people.
    Julian played with her hair as she calmed down, waiting patiently. The rest of the group talked quietly amongst themselves, unsure of what was going on. Emma hated leaving them in the dark. They were her family, and she despised keeping secrets from them. But, she couldn't tell them about Kit. Not yet. It wasn't the time for that; it would only bring them more pain.
    Emma pulled away from Julian, and said, "We should keep moving." Her feet dragged against the ground, held down by some invisible force. She let her arms dangle by her side, eyes shifting from one person to another. Emma felt a pang of guilt when her gaze landed on Ty. Kit had left him again, and Ty didn't even know it. He had finally come back after three years, but he wasn't really there. He had already lost so much. Why couldn't her family have a break? They didn't deserve any of this.
Why is it that the best of us always feel the most pain? she thought. It was part of being a Shadowhunter, she guessed. But, that didn't make any of it less painful. Emma shifted her gaze to Cristina, who was talking to Mark, hands moving as she spoke. A smile lit up her face, making Emma's sadness vanish for a moment. Cristina hadn't seen Kieran for at least a month, and she had missed him. While he was gone, Cristina would often call Emma and talk about how much she hated him being gone. Now, she and Mark had both seen him, and it felt as if they're joy could light up the world.
The feeling of dread in Emma's stomach returned, reminding her of what she'd have to deal with. She didn't know how to fix Kit, or how to tell the others about what had happened. There weren't any warlocks around, so Emma couldn't force them to fix him. She wondered who had done this to Kit. Most of all, she wondered why they would do it in the first place. Julian had had a reason to do what he did, although it was a stupid decision. Questions filled her head; questions that she couldn't answer. Did Kit do this willingly? Why would he ever do that? Why would someone ever—Emma stopped herself. She couldn't keep doing this. Emma forced all thoughts of Kit and sorrow out of her head, knowing that they would only drag her down. She had to keep moving forward, not only for herself, but for her family.
    Emma filled her head with thoughts of her travel year with Julian and nice walks on the beach as she walked. Whenever a thought about Kit or loss returned to the surface of her mind, she'd push it back under, not allowing them to hurt her. She had to make it through this. It would be hard, but she had faced much worse. Emma told herself that she and Julian would figure everything out. They would fix Kit, and they would find a way home. They had to.