Falling to Pieces(Kit and Ty)

Chapter 19

Ty was panicking. He wanted to tell Julian about Kit, but he didn't know how. Words were difficult. Ty knew that it wasn't a big deal. Julian would support him. But, what if he didn't? That little bit of doubt kept him from telling Julian when they were alone at lunch. Now, he was in his room with Kit. They were reading together on the bed. Or, Kit was reading. Ty was freaking out about Julian while trying to read his book.
Ty marked his page and closed the book. He watched Kit read as thoughts sped around in his head. Kit was truly beautiful and Ty loved the face he made when reading. Kit would always react to what happened in the story. If someone died, he would frown or gasp. Sometimes he would cry. Ty would comfort him when that happened. He would wrap his arms around him and whisper his favorite words to Kit. He loved this. He loved just being around Kit. It was amazing how much Ty enjoyed having Kit around.
"I think we should tell Julian," Ty said.
Kit looked up from his book. A strand of hair dangled in front of his eyes and Ty longed to push it out of the way. He didn't.
"Tell him what?" Kit asked, closing his book.
"I think we should tell him about us."
Ty wasn't sure if this was a mistake. Maybe Kit wasn't ready for anyone to know. Ty wasn't sure if he was ready either. Keeping this from Julian tearing him apart. Julian was his brother and he deserved to know. Then, why was Ty so scared?
"Are you sure?"
Ty nodded. "Unless you don't want to."
Kit smiled slightly and pulled Ty closer to him. His warmth was comforting and reminded Ty that he didn't have to worry. He rested his head on Kit's chest and heard his heartbeat. It was strong and steady, just like Kit. Ty listened to the pounding of his heart until his head was clearer.
"I want to," Kit said. "I think." He sounded unsure, scared. Ty twisted one his golden curls around his finger and Kit smiled. "What did I do to deserve you, Ty?"
"What do you mean?"
"You're so perfect and kind," Kit said. Ty could feel himself blush. "You're too good for me."
Ty shook his head. Did Kit really think that? He certainly wasn't perfect. Ty had many flaws. If anything, he didn't deserve Kit.
"I'm not perfect," Ty said, still playing with Kit's hair. "And I'm definitely not too good for you. I've made countless mistakes, Kit. I can't say that I wouldn't make them again, either."
"Your mistakes help make you who you are," Kit said. "They make you the Ty I know and love."
"I—um, you—" Ty couldn't come up with words to say. He was speechless. Kit was waiting patiently for him to speak and Ty still couldn't think of what to say. He could create fragments of sentences in his head, but he never finished them. Ty gave up on trying to speak and leaned forward to kiss Kit.
    Their lips collided and Ty found his hands tangling themselves in Kit's hair. Kit was surprised at first, but didn't complain. He kissed Ty back and held him close. Ty felt safe with Kit. He didn't have to worry anymore. He had Kit.
    "I love you," Kit murmured.
    Those words would never get old. He had never expected Kit to love him. He had never expected to love Kit, either. Ty had never had the chance to think about loving Kit until recently. He had been trying to raise Livvy from the dead and had no time to think about love. But, once Kit had lost his emotions, he started to realize how much he loved him.
    "I love you, too," Ty said. It was easy for Ty to tell Kit that he loved him. The words rolled off of his tongue like it was nothing. But, it was much harder to tell Kit how much he loved him. Ty knew how much Kit meant to him. He knew that if Kit ever left him again, it would destroy him. He knew that he felt safe and normal around Kit. But, he didn't know how to put that into words. It was almost impossible.
    Kit pulled away and Ty wished he hadn't. He stared at Kit, unable to keep his eyes off of him. He was beautiful. His hair was like the sun and his eyes were the ocean. He was fascinating.
"Do you know how beautiful you are?" Kit asked.
Ty could feel himself blush. "You're more beautiful," Ty said.
Kit laughed and shook his head, but didn't argue. "When do you want to tell Julian?"
Ty didn't know. He was hoping that Kit would decide. He didn't have any of this planned and still wasn't completely sure he wanted to do it. He had to. Julian deserved to know. But, Ty didn't know how to tell him. He'd thought of it many times and had come up with many different scenarios. None of his plans seemed right. They weren't good enough.
"I have no idea," Ty answered. "I don't even know how to tell him."
Kit reached to push a strand of hair out of Ty's face. "I guess it'll just come naturally. Don't think about it too much."
Kit was right. Ty was thinking about this too much. He just needed to do it in the moment. But, that wasn't as easy as it sounded. Ty wanted a plan, something that couldn't go wrong. But, that wasn't going to happen. He couldn't come up with a good plan, so he would go without one. The worst thing that could happen was that Julian could hate them. That didn't seem likely, but it could happen. Ty needed to get this over with before it tore him apart.
"Just tell him when it feels right," Kit said gently. "You'll know what to do."
Ty wasn't sure about that. He had no idea what to do and he doubted that he ever would. When would it feel right to tell Julian? Ty doubted that it ever would. He reminded himself that Julian was his brother. He could tell Julian anything. Julian would always love him. But, there was always that little bit of doubt that told him that Julian wouldn't accept him for being gay. Ty didn't know what he would do if that happened. Ty couldn't even think of it in the scenarios he had created. It was too awful to think about. He would just have to wait and find out.