"What will it take?" I grabbed both his hands in mine and leaned against him. He has to be on stage in three minutes- I know but I don't care.
"Don't," he pushed me away again but not without giving me one last longing look.
...
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XX
I'm spiraling. And I know it.
On the outside I'm calm- calmer than I've been in a while. I'm stoic. At one point Rookie looked at me questioningly but I ignored him. I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to talk. At all.
"What's up with you?" Jordan came and sat down next to me- we're on the bus heading to God knows where. At this point I didn't care. I turned to Jordan.
"Nothing," I replied shortly.
"Something is very up."
"Well think whatever you want," I told him and he leaned back into the couch and crossed is arms.
"I'm not leaving till you talk."
"Talk about what Jordan?" I was annoyed. I got that he cared and just wanted to help but this whole thing was annoying. How the guys were so mad at me when Jace came- it all made sense- the fight between Jace and Colson. It made sense but it somehow made me angrier at everyone. How dare they simply assume that I'd cheat on Colson with Jace. They never once bothered asking me my side of the story. Hell, they never once brought it up.
A part of me wants to rationalize and justify their behavior. They thought their best friend got cheated on by his wife. And then the wife called the person she'd cheated with to a hotel he was staying at. It's all completely normal behavior. Except for the fact that I didn't cheat on Colson. I had no idea.
"Talk about why you've been so down all day." Jordan said, breaking me out of my reverie.
"I'm fine," I sighed, I would have to just pretend to be okay till this nightmare is over. That much was clear. Being angry took up too much time and energy and it was very obvious when I was upset. The last thing I wanted was for people to notice that I was upset and then ask questions. I didn't want to talk about it, I didn't want to clarify the whole thing like Ash had said. I wanted to let Colson think what he thinks. That I cheated on him.
"Do you wanna stop for a slushee?" Jordan asked and I smiled at him. There was no point in punishing him for my husband's lack of faith in me, and plus a slushee sounded good.
Fifteen minutes later the bus stopped at a service station and Jordan put his arm around my shoulder and led me out to the seven eleven. After getting our blue and red slushees we sat down on the pavement in front of the bus and slurped in silence.
"You know, I always wanted to apologize to you," Jordan said after a while and I turned to him in surprise, "Despite whatever happened, we should've kept in touch, should've talked."
"Yeah," I mumbled. A part of me wondered if Ash had told Jordan, but Ash wouldn't do that. Maybe this was just one of those things, coincidences happened, more often than not.
