Back To You

Chapter 29

When I was a little girl my mom told me one day I would find the one and everything will feel like it has led up to that moment where I would find him and just know and life would never be the same. I never understood what she meant until I met Colson. 

As soon as I laid eyes on him I knew, I knew life would never be the same. What I didn't know was that life would bring us here. On two opposite ends of a door with a misunderstanding between us, a misunderstanding that tore us apart. 

"Camilla just open the door," I heard him whisper. 

I didn't reply, I couldn't reply. 

"What's going on?" I heard Ash's concerned voice in the back. 

I closed my eyes and grit my teeth. I would have to face him, it was either now or later and I'd much rather get this whole thing over with. 

But first things first. I grabbed my phone, texted my friend Nora who's a travel agent and asked her to book me the next flight home. I then wiped my tears away, fixed my hair and took a deep breath. 

The second I opened the door my resolve almost crumbled. Colson looked like a train had hit him, I forced the sympathy away and stepped out of my room. 

"I'm gonna be right downstairs if you need me," Ash called out and stepped out of the room. Leaving just the two of us there in silence. 

"I-" He started but I cut him off. 

"I'll talk," my voice was shaking. 

"Okay," he nodded. 

"Jace told you I cheated on you, he showed you doctored photographs, you believed him, you kicked me out of your life and didn't talk to me for nine months. You didn't even ask if it was true, you just believed him and you so easily believed that I would do something like that. You left me all alone and you never told me why-" I trailed off because my voice cracked and I couldn't speak anymore without feeling like I was drowning. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered. 

"Just tell me why you never confronted me," That's all I needed to know and then I could leave.

"I was hurt Camilla," he said looking down at his feet, "If I'd confronted you it would have made the whole thing way too real, if I had heard it out of your mouth I wouldn't have been able to take it." 

"That's not a good enough reason."

"I know," he shook his head, "No reason is good enough." 

"So what do you want from me?" I wiped my tears away, "If you want to apologize go ahead." 

"Camilla, I'm sorry," he was crying, I couldn't meet his eyes. 

"I don't forgive you." I raised my chin to look stronger than I felt, "I will never forgive you." 

"Please," His hands reached out and took mine in his and for a second I let myself think about how this could go. How we could be together again, pick up where we left off. And then the pain returned- the pain I felt in the hospital when the doctor told me I'd lost our baby, the pain of being alone, the pain of really truly feeling completely alone. 

"Stop." I extracted my hands from his, "So now you know, but that's it. You know, and you apologized and I don't forgive you and I can't forgive you." 

"Please," He said again and I closed my eyes and swallowed the painful lump in my throat. 

"I'm leaving." I turned around, closed the door and in a daze, sat on the edge of my bed. 

It took me fifteen minutes to pack everything up and zip my suitcase. Nora had texted me my flight details, I'll be leaving for home in six hours, I planned on saying goodbye to Ash and the guys and then leaving for the airport early. Anything to put some distance between me and Colson. 

I washed my face with some cold water, told myself not to cry and walked out of my room. Outside Ash sat on the couch facing the window, thankfully Colson was nowhere to be seen.

"Where are you going?" Ash got up as soon as she saw me. 

"Back home." I replied. 

"Camilla listen-" 

"I really don't want to listen Ash," I cut her off, "I need to leave do you understand?" 

"Yes of course," she replied after a moment's pause. 

"Thank you for everything," I moved in to hug her but she grabbed my shoulders and pulled away. 

"This isn't goodbye, stop treating it like one." 

"Okay," I nodded, "I'll see you soon then?" 

"I'll see you soon." she replied and hugged me. 

After we pulled away I felt the lump in my throat returned with a vengeance. A part of me wanted this tour to never end, to stay in this bubble. For Colson to never find out, for him to never know how much I hurt. 

"I'm gonna go downstairs and say goodbye to the guys." I told Ash and she nodded.

"I'll miss you," she said and I nodded.

"I'll miss you too." 

The elevator took me down to Rookie's floor where I knew everyone was. I knocked on the door but nobody answered. After waiting another five minutes I decided to let myself in and was surprised to find the door unlocked. The guys must just be listening to loud music or something. 

I walked in to an empty apartment and I was about to turn around and leave when I noticed the terrace door was open. I walked over and stopped abruptly when I saw Bobby next to an all too familiar blonde. Colson. Both of them stood facing the city scape. 

"I'm sorry man, I don't know what to say." I heard Bobby say. 

"I just feel so stupid," Colson said and I couldn't move, I felt rooted to the spot. "I have no idea why I never talked to her, I didn't think about her side of the story for one second, I was so focused on hurting." 

"I get you, when she told me I felt like the dumbest prick in the world," Bobby replied, "How could we believe Jace so blindly?" 

"I can't believe you didn't tell me as soon as she told you." 

"She made me swear." Bobby shrugged, "But listening to her talk about that time really shook me, it took a lot out of her especially losing the baby." 

"The baby?" I heard Colson say and my breath quickened, Colson didn't know about the baby. 

"She didn't tell you?" Bobby turned to Colson and I watched as Colson sank to the ground. 

"She was pregnant?" he whispered. 

"Yeah, and after she went back home she stopped eating and hit a rough patch, and then she miscarried." Bobby crouched down next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. 

"A baby?" Colson whispered. I couldn't see their faces but I knew Colson's looked broken because he sounded broken. "I did this." 

"No you didn't," Bobby replied, "It wasn't your fault." 

It was mine, I wanted to say. It was all my fault. I was the one who was stupid, I was responsible. I was supposed to be stronger but I broke and it cost me our baby. 

Colson's shoulders shook as he sobbed and Bobby gently stroked his back. I couldn't take it anymore. This was Colson, my Colson and he was right there two feet away from me going through the same hurt that I went through, I knew what he was feeling. We both lost our child, he left me alone to deal with it but I wasn't him, I was me, and I would never leave him alone to deal with something like this. 

So just like that I stepped forward and entered the terrace, Bobby got up as soon as he saw me but Colson stayed where he was on the ground. With one last look Bobby left and I took his place next to Colson who was sobbing uncontrollably. I took his face into both my hands and lifted it up so our eyes could meet. 

"Camilla," Colson gasped and I tightly wrapped my arms around him, scared of letting go. He sank further down and hugged me back. We both cried into each other, absorbed each others' pain. His pain was mine and mine was his. That's the way it had always been.