𝐜𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐲 » 𝐳.𝐬. ✔️

chapter twenty six

One month later...

Harry Styles

I've received approximately four texts from Zayn since I saw him last. One saying he's sorry, one calling me childish, another asking to see me.

I haven't responded to any of them, as much as I wanted to.

I couldn't.

I can't.

I'm done dealing with his games. I knew him for less than two weeks and I've cried probably every time I've seen him. He doesn't understand his own feelings, if he even has any... We weren't even together and I felt like a piece of me was torn away when he left that day...

...when he said he didn't feel anything for me.

How could he go from telling me that I mean something to him, to kissing me so softly... to acting like he never felt a single thing toward me? It doesn't make sense. The more I think about, the more my heart aches.

I'm pathetic.

Why am I still thinking about him?

He made his feelings, or lack thereof, very clear that day, so all I can do is accept his truth and move on. I refuse to chase after him.

Besides, I've got more important things to focus on.

Like college.

I was accepted into Temple and Kutztown, although I was having trouble deciding. The city scares me to no end, so I don't think I'd feel safe or comfortable there. Then again, Kutztown is in the middle of nowhere and I'm over the suburban/rural life. I want to go out, travel, have fun with my friends, maybe make some new ones that don't like the same boy...

Temple also gave me a huge scholarship that would waive my tuition for four consecutive years. Kutztown gave me nothing.

Temple also has... Zayn.

But even so, he's a senior most likely so he'll probably be graduating soon, and then I won't have to worry about seeing him.

I think my mom wants me to go to Temple. She's always talking about how it's closer to home so I could come visit her, all of the cute boys we saw there, and the scholarship is a big part for her as well, I think.

Do I even want to go to college?

I'm not sure what the answer is to that question, though I've asked myself everyday for the past few weeks.

All I know is that I need to get out of here. Out of this school, this neighborhood, this house. I just need to leave, and college seemed like the best option to do that.

I sit down on the edge of my bed, opening my MacBook and putting in my password. I see a notification on iMessage, so I open it and sigh when I spot Nick's name right at the top with a little blue bubble.

12:37 pm
From Nick: Let me take you out tonight on a proper date.

I've been hanging out with Nick a lot more recently, and somehow he makes me feel less... empty. However, I haven't kissed him since that first time on my front porch. We've talked about it, and he understands that I'm in a... delicate place right now.

I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, and one little thing could push me over. Nick is like my rope, holding me back from the edge. But a rope can only hold so much, and I think my fall is becoming inevitable.

Carmen's been in a much better mood too, which makes me happy. I'm glad that I can have my friend back, even though it's taken a long time for us to get somewhat back to how we used to be.

I'm reluctant to go out with Nick. I know exactly how he feels about me, but I'm not sure how I feel about him. Sometimes I think maybe this is what Zayn meant when he said he didn't want to get my hopes up. But at least he was honest, even if he was an asshole about it. I'm just spending time with Nick hoping that maybe one day I can reciprocate his feelings. I'm just selfish.

I feel like Bella from Twilight, using Jacob as a replacement for Edward even though he could never take his place.

But as much as I want to be a good person and let Nick go, I can't bring myself to do it just yet.

12:41 pm
To Nick: What even is a "proper date"?

His reply came instantly.

12:41 pm
From Nick: It's a surprise. So is that a yes?

12:42 pm
To Nick: Might as well.

12:42 pm
From Nick: Great! I'll pick you up at five.

Why am I kind of excited?

I've been spending too much time in the house anyway. If I'm not here, I'm either at school, hanging out with Nick, or visiting Gemma.

Speaking of, I think seeing Gemma would be good for me right now.

With that, I close my laptop and hop off my bed, dressing myself in a pair of light wash mom jeans I had lying around, and an oversized Calvin Klein sweatshirt my mom bought for my birthday.

I grab my book bag off my vanity stool before stuffing my MacBook inside, as well as a copy of the first Harry Potter Book. They were Gemma's favorite books. After everything is inside, I zip my bag closed and throw it over my shoulder, looking around for my keys. I don't see them, so I assume they're downstairs.

I pick up my pair of black Chelsea boots before heading downstairs. I spot my keys on the counter in the kitchen, so I grab them before walking into the foyer to put my shoes on.

"Where are you heading?" I hear my mother ask from behind me, making me sigh involuntarily.

"To visit Gemma." I reply shortly.

She's silent for a while, which lets me know I'm not gonna like her response.

"Harry..."

"Don't say it, mom." I whisper, before standing up straight and turning to face her.

"You can't just keep pretending like she's fine, Harry." She says, and her voice is unusually soft. That annoys me even further.

"I know she's not fine."

"Clearly, you don't. We're spending how much money to keep her breathing, but she's not even alive."

I suck in a sharp breath at that before glaring at her. "So, what? I'm just supposed to leave her alone like you do?"

"No, you're supposed to let her go."

I scoff before shaking my head, "Maybe that's easy for you to do, but I can't just let her go. She's my sister."

"She was your sister. And she was my daughter..." She explains, reaching out to touch my cheek but I slap her hand away, "But that girl in the hospital is not either of those things. She's not anything. She's a vegetable, Harry."

"D-Don't say that," I squeeze my eyes shut, my voice cracking as tears threaten to spill down my cheeks, "She's still Gemma."

I turn around quickly and walk towards the door, "I'll be back later..." I say as I open the door, sparing her one last glance.

"By the way, I have a date with Nick tonight." I mumble before walking out the door and slamming it shut behind.

Just a little filler before the next chapter 😇 Also don't worry, I didn't forget about that little interaction between Zayn and Carmen in the last chapter. Hope you guys enjoyed! -S ♡