Book Reviews [closed]

Edwards Escape, By UnicornandWriter

Review for UnicornandWriter !

Characters
With the character interpretation, you could've added more to it to make it where readers could fully analyze Edward better and get what type of person he was. In the sims character picture, you couldn't see much about it other than the fact that he had a red shirt, dark brown hair, etc- so basically, readers could only see the visual perspective of him. It was a little on the limited side.

I get that some authors don't like revealing the character profiles with the first thing in the story, and they reveal it slowly as the plot progresses, so you could do that as well. Your choice. Just remember to not keep it limited in the end when the story eventually comes to an end, the sims character kinda throws it all off.

Description/vocab
When you created new sentences, you usually would say the same thing over again for a sentence starter, for example, you started it with "He" or "Edward", which was super repetitive. Try to not use "he" and "Edward", mix up the sentence starters, not only with the same phrases to start each sentence. Also, use different phrases to describe things to make it sound realistic.

For example:

"Edward glanced at his body. His once short hair had grown longer, his hair dirtier and he was skinner."

You can turn this into:

"Glancing down at his body, he took note of his bony lanky figure. His jet black hair was longer than usual, and his baggy ripped jeans exposed his kneecaps with dirt engraved in his crevasses of his skin."

To help with this, try to throw in some metaphors, similes, hyperboles, and different types of figurative language, and different uses of vocabulary to draw in the reader more.

Example #2:
What you said: "Edward wanted to lay down and cry. Emotional hurt viciously attack inside of him, tearing him apart."

New version:
"Sadness overwhelmed him as he began to weep. He felt as though he couldn't be heard, like a child pleading desperately for help yet everything around him seemed to silence. His chest tightened up, feeling torn in half."

In the second version, there was figurative language (simile) to describe it.

Plot
The plot of the storyline wasn't very organized, I saw where you were heading with it but the main thing was it didn't make much sense. Use your plot elements so it's captivating and entertaining, and at the same time it goes smoothly. Below with the picture, it tells all the plot elements- remember to use the good old graphic oraganizer.

Story Idea
I like the concept of how it's about someone who has faint memories of what their life used to be, it's a little detail but still adds a lot more to it. Overall, I like the character idea because it's about someone who has to escape and find their way out- this could be really good if you made some tweaks to it.

Pacing
The speed of the plot was decent, it gradually became more and more interesting like a movie. It was alright, but you could make it much better by making it more realistic and at a good speed. The reader would understand it more if you put it at a settling speed, not too fast and not too slow. Don't describe something for a 2 whole paragraphs then switch back over and describe the actual story events in tiny sentences, make it at one single speed so the story itself is at a good pace.

Pros:
-Story idea

Cons:
-Unorganized Plot
-Character profiles were limited
-Description