Book Reviews [closed]

Finding You, By I-freaking-lo_ove-me

Review for i-freaking-lo_ove-me !

Introduction
The introduction was more of where it just dived right in, so it kind of confused me. The setting wasn't exactly clear until she mentioned that it was a party, and I feel like you could put the main characters thoughts in more so it'd bring it all together & make more sense. To make Daesyn feel out of place or uncomfortable since she was in a party when she's not exactly the "party type" you could show her thought process, her actions, and you could make her seem much more distressed.

Characters
I think the character Daesyn was well written and had a good personality. She was pretty simple, but the character development was pretty decent.

In the first chapter where Daesyn gets greeted by a "creepy man" as she called later in the chapter, you could've described him more because I didn't know if he was going to be the love interest, her friend, relative, etc. so you should describe him.

You could try to describe his movements, actions, facial expressions and simple things like what he was wearing to describe him, instead of talking about his attractiveness. Also, you could add in his age/ how old he looked to Daesyn so the readers would have more of an understanding.

For example,

Turn this:
"He wasn't that attractive but he wasn't that bad looking either, "hey."

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Into this:
"After standing on my own for what seemed like hours, a tall male approaches me. He stares into my eyes and deviously smirks. I then notice that he reeks of alcohol. He looks around 19, and he's wearing a plain black t-shirt, dark blue ripped jeans. Suddenly, he begins talking."

Story In General & Concept
I like the story idea, and it seems really nice so far. It's sweet and simple, which is completely fine if you'd like your stories to be written that way!

Flow
The flow and the transitions of it were pretty clear, I knew when the scene was transitioning and I could tell what you were going for. Just add more layers to the story and make it seem more realistic, so that way it'll express more and be more comprehendible/easier to read.

Description
As I stated earlier, you could describe the setting and the atmosphere more- try adding lots of different vocabulary words and sentences.

Spelling/vocabulary errors
There weren't a lot of spelling errors or vocabulary errors, but you could make these two sentences more refined and detailed.

1. When comparing two things, you should  use "better" instead of best, which is just a small spelling error I saw.

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Turn that into this:

I felt the sudden urge to get out of here. I was deciding in my head which was the better option: going through the enormous crowd of drunk teenagers all just to ask Cole to take me home, or for me to walk all the way back to my house in the dark at midnight.

2. For this sentence, I was confused because it said she washed her plate of cereal- I don't know about you but I don't really eat cereal on a plate haha.

Also, in the beginning of the sentence it said "cereals", where instead it should be cereal.

Turn this:

Into this:

My breakfast was the same as any other usual day- plain and stale cereal alone in the dining room. After finishing my bowl of cereal, I checked the time on the kitchen oven. I still had 25 minutes to get my car from the mechanic to drive to Emery's place.

Pros:
-Not many spelling/ vocabulary errors
-Concept
-Flow
-Characters

Cons:
-Lack of description
-Storyline