Book Reviews [closed]

To Love Again, By Alyssa_Evangeline

Review for Alyssa_Evangeline !

Grammar and Punctuation
There were some grammatical mistakes and punctuational mistakes I found. Like in the very first sentence, I noticed that you put too many commas, and it wasn't clear if it was past tense or present tense. In fact, I saw that you did that a lot where you put way too many commas and you didn't use them correctly. Remember to reread your sentences over and I recommend getting an app like Grammarly to help you when you're typing, it really helps!

For example:

Turn this:

Into this:
"ZOEY!" I hear the barista call out. I quickly stand up from the chair I'm sitting in and walk over to the counter. I weave around people and finally I make it to the counter. I grab my iced coffee from him, then walk back to my chair. I felt the cold coffee touch my lips as I take a sip.

For this small paragraph below, you could add some tweaks to it but it's nothing big. 

Turn this:

Into this:
I nod my head to the beat of the song that's currently playing on the radio. I love this song, mainly because I relate to it so much. "You fucked me up, dammit I wish I never met you!" I sing along to the song.

Introduction
The way it started off was fine but the part where she was thinking in her head "I don't do relationships, they're not for me" threw it all off. It's not like the guy who gave her the coffee was hitting on her- he was just serving his job as a barista, then she jumps right into her thoughts on how she doesn't do relationships.

Try adding her thoughts about her "not being able to do relationships" later on, and not the first thing in the story.

Instead of starting the story off with a random guy giving her coffee and her thinking "I don't do relationships," a better way to make it all fall into place would to start with a flashback of her toxic relationship in the past, then when she's in the present, she thinks "I don't do relationships anymore." You don't have to necessarily put a flashback, this is just a basic scenario that would fit.

Characters
The characters were great and Zoey was pretty relatable. But the way you made the main character, Zoey the "cool girl who doesn't like parties and is an introvert" while you made her best friend play the role as a "brainless airhead who parties and parties and flirts with guys" made it feel like it was a comparison between them two, and that it was supposed to make her friend be the less important person.

Add some room for character development instead of telling the readers Zoey is sad, broken and devastated. Like the old saying says, show don't tell!

There's nothing wrong with the main character being shy or introverted or weird, but the way you described it sounded off. If Zoey really is Meagan's best friend, then shouldn't she not care about who's better and just care about them as a person? Instead of using this comparison method to show Zoeys qualities and that she's shy/ doesn't like partying, you should describe it differently and not bring her best friend into it.

As for the rest of the characters like Nicolas and Nolan, I think them two are very important to the story since one of them caused Zoey so much pain and heartache, and the other reminded her of it.

Dialogue
Some parts of the dialogue had errors. The words the people were speaking themselves were fine, but the way it was typed was repeatedly wrong.

For example:

Turn this:

Into this:
"I know sweetie, I think I'm going to head to bed. It's pretty late."

"Ok mom, goodnight and I'll remember to talk to you tomorrow! Love you."

"Bye, I love you too."

Remember that like the example above, add a period then a comma, or you could make it like this: "Bye, love you too," she said softly. If you want to describe how the other persons talking, you could also do it that way.

Pacing
Earlier into the story I felt like you gave it away a lot, and you added too many hints and clues as to what the story was going to be like. For example, in the first chapter you kept making Zoey mention her bad relationship that she went through. You don't always have to keep making it about her old relationship in the beginning. Showcase Zoey as a person and not just "that girl who had a bad breakup."

Even though earlier in the story you did this often, the pacing was ok because I slowly learned that Zoey had been raped and was being abused by Nolan. It was an important part of the story, and I think that it was good that I learned half-way into the story.

How interesting it was
The story was actually entertaining and I think that even though there's some small grammatical errors, character errors, and others, it's a standard Wattpad book, nothing too bad. But try to not make it one of those cliches where its the helpless girl who has issues and problems then the male love interest swoops in and saves the day for her.

That being said, there were some good parts in the story too. I loved most parts of it and the description of everything brought it all together. When Zoey was crying in the bathroom stall because of Nicolas who touched her at the party and thoughts flooded through her head and reminded her of Nolan, I thought that part was clever and it really showed what abuse looks like, especially since Zoey tried to tell the police but they didn't believe her. Good job!

Pros:
-Description
-Plot
-How interesting it was

Cons:
-Grammar/ punctuation
-Introduction
-Pacing
-Dialogue
-Characters