Our Little Secret (Kylo Ren x Reader)

It Was Almost Affectionate

Cold. That was the first thing you noticed as you started to fade back into reality. You were cold. And you were aching. Your entire body was sore, and you groaned, shifting around and trying to relieve the pain. The worst was in your head. It was like someone had cracked your skull right down the middle with a sledgehammer. You couldn't even bring yourself to open your eyes at first. Even the slightest movement of your face made streaks of pain shoot through your forehead. For the first few moments, you had no recollection of anything. You didn't know where you were. You couldn't even remember your own name. All of your memories had slipped away, your mind a blank white canvas. 

But slowly, one by one, they tricked back into your mind. Who you were, your friends, the Resistance, that night, Starkiller, Hux--and the very last memory to come back--Kylo Ren. The vision of his face blazed into your memory, engulfing you. It was almost painful, thinking of him. You gritted your teeth as his words slipped back into your mind, his deep, honey-like voice echoing in your ears. You remembered his touch, his face, his hands--his helmet. 

As the vision of it flashed through your mind, the memory came back--a searing pain shooting through your head. Kylo bursting into your room, standing over you, helmet in hand. He'd looked at you with an anger you'd never seen before, his hand clenching in and out of a fist. He'd asked you to come with him--you'd refused. As the scene played out in your head, you watched yourself slap him as he tried to reach for your face. You flinched at the memory as he responded, raising his helmet over his head and bringing it down on you, fire blazing behind his eyes. You could almost feel the impact of the metal against your skull again. The pain exploded through you, paralyzing your body and mind instantly. But then you'd slipped away, into a darkness that was almost comforting. You urned for it again as you laid flat on your back, eyes still squeezed shut, your body throbbing in pain. 

It still took you a few more moments to actually process that you had no idea where you were. Fighting against the shooting pain that came as you pried your eyes open, you tried feverishly to look at your surroundings. It was dark, the only light coming from a window behind your head. All you could really make out was what you were laying on. A bed, giant and covered in black. Black covers, black pillows, black everything. The sheets were soft underneath you, and you slowly ran your hands over them, caressing the silky fabric. Somehow, it didn't occur to you that you'd seen these sheets before. You'd been in this room. You'd laid on this bed. Your mind was still foggy from regaining consciousness (and your possible concussion), and none of it even crossed your mind. It didn't occur to you to wonder what had happened after you'd been knocked out. That was until you heard a voice from the darkness, cutting through the silence, making you jump. As you did, a new streak of pain shot through you. 

"I warned you not to make this painful." The voice said, growing closer. You knew that voice. Kylo.

"Fuck--ugh--fuck you." You croaked, trying--and quickly failing--to sit up. The pain was too much, and you immediately slumped back down into the mattress. Through half-opened eyes you saw him move into your field of vision, the light from the window casting over his figure. He peered down at you, mask-less. His raven eyes scanned over you, and as they did, you remembered what you were wearing. A shirt and underwear. Nothing else. Your face blazed fire red, pulling your shirt down as far as you could. How long had you been laying there, unconscious and nearly naked? Humiliation sunk into your bones, and somehow the pain in your head got worse. 

"A few hours," he responded to your thoughts, dryly. 

"You-" you seethed, forcing your eyes closed again as your headache got to be too much, "You're a fucking monster."

"Yes," He whispered. You could feel the heat emitting off of his body as he approached you. "But it doesn't matter. You still want me."

"No," You hissed, baring your teeth at him, "I don't."