Our Little Secret (Kylo Ren x Reader)

I Told You I Wouldn't Leave You

Your brain was fuzzy--unable to process what was going on around you. Through your blurred vision, you could see the bleary figures of people standing over you, but you couldn't really discern that they were people--or that you were even awake at all. You barely were, your mind fading in and out of consciousness. 

It was easier not to wake up. It was easier to convince yourself that you were dead. Because as soon as you started to think clearly--as soon as you started to really come back to earth, all of the terrible, heart-wrenching memories came flooding back, drowning you in a feeling that consumed your entire body. 

You weren't sure how long you were out. A few days at least. You couldn't have moved even if you wanted to, your leg blistering with infection, mud, dirt, and blood clotted against your skin. Every once and a while, you could feel someone adjusting the blankets covering your body, making sure you were still breathing. Though you wished that you weren't. 

You could hear the beeping of machines above your head, the sterile feeling of infirmary sheets covering you. You barely ever opened your eyes, but when you did, you could instantly tell where you were. Though you still couldn't see very clearly, you recognized the same tent you'd been kept in a few days before, the soft cot holding you up. But this time, the bed next to you was void of Kylo's figure, making your entire body ache with grief when you turned on your side, your eyes falling on the empty mattress. You could still picture him laying there, his face pointed towards the ceiling as a soft snore escaped his lips. The memory burned in your mind as you rolled back over, hiding your face underneath the stiff sheets, the overwhelming feeling washing over you, seeming to suck all of the life out of your soul. 

You spent most of the days asleep, or at least half-asleep, your mind trying to find a way to escape. But even when you slept, his face showed up in your dreams, his hands wrapped around you, holding you to his chest. His heartbeat danced through your memories, like a loud drum in your ears. In every vision, you'd trace your fingers through his hair and down his face, drawing lines between his beauty marks and pressing his soft lips to yours, his warmth making you feel safe. Loved. You were afraid that you'd never be able to feel the way he made you feel again. No one else could measure up. He was the one for you, you were sure. And now, he was gone. 

It had been a few days, or at least you assumed it had been. You weren't really sure. The hours all blended together, the sun rising and falling over and over outside the tent. But when you finally opened you eyes again after what felt like forever, the morning light was just starting to trickle in through the doorway, a sweet smelling breeze flowing through the air. Surprisingly, your vision was clear, everything sharp and identifiable around you. You weren't crying yet either, so you could see perfectly, sitting up slightly to glance around. When you did, you jumped a little, yelping as Jina's face greeted you, sitting on the edge of your cot. 

"Sorry!" She whispered, sliding closer and sticking out her hand comfortingly, "Didn't mean to scare you."

"It's fine..." You sighed, settling into an upright position. Your whole body ached as you did, and you winced, your head throbbing a little. 

"I can imagine you're sore." She mumbled, "You took quite a beating." You nodded, your face pointed down at your lap. You didn't want to look at her--at her pitying expression as she stared at you. Your mind flashed to Kylo, your stomach dropping sickeningly. "So," She said, sliding even closer, "How are you feeling?"

"How do you think?" You muttered, your jaw clenched. 

"So...you don't want to talk about it then." She said. You could still feel her gaze on you, but you refused to look up. 

"No." You spat, a lump forming in your throat, "I don't." 

"Y/N, you've been here for about a week now and you haven't spoken once. You've barely even moved." She pushed, sighing. "You need to talk to someone about this."