Our Little Secret (Kylo Ren x Reader)

I Can't Do This Anymore

You were woken up abruptly by a loud banging noise outside your room, and you sat up tiredly, rubbing your eyes. You slipped out from under the covers, your bare feet stinging on the cold floor. Cracking the door open apprehensively, you peered out into the room, your gaze still foggy with sleep. 

Kylo sat at the table in the middle of the room, his back to you as he fumbled with something in front of him. He smacked it against the table, the same sound that had woken you up vibrating against the metal walls. He grunted annoyedly, his shoulders tensed as he smacked it again, harder this time. 

Suddenly, the object whirred to life, buzzing with a low sound. A blue figure shot up from it, standing tall on the table and towering above Kylo's head. A projection, you quickly realized, of someone, but you couldn't tell who. The image was blurry for a moment, the hologram crackling and buzzing before finally shaping into a clear picture. When it did, you instantly froze. Snoke's figure cast a blue light over Kylo's face, his crippled face twisted into an angry expression. You weren't sure if he could see you, trembling in the doorway, but you ducked back inside anyway, your heart slamming in your chest. You peeked out from behind the wall, watching with bated breath as Snoke glared down at Kylo, his lips pulled into a deep frown. 

"Kylo Ren," He grumbled, his eyes narrowed into thin slits. "You have disappointed me yet again."

"I apologize Supreme Leader," Kylo mumbled, his head down, "It was a moment of weakness."

"Weakness is right," Snoke growled, his teeth bared, "How soft have you become, Ren? General Hux was right when he warned me about you and the girl. She has distracted you." As Snoke mentioned you, your stomach started to do painful flips, nausea washing over you. You gulped as Kylo's shoulders slumped forwards defeatedly. "I thought that you would be able to control yourself." Snoke continued, "But clearly, that is not the case."

"I can." Kylo whispered. 

"Oh can you?" Snoke chuckled, rolling his head backward and laughing up at the ceiling. "Have you forgotten that I can hear everything that's happening?" Kylo shifted uncomfortably in the chair, and you felt suddenly lightheaded. You'd known that Snoke could hear you last night, but you'd tried your best not to think about it. But now, you imagined him sitting there, listening as you and Kylo...You groaned quietly, slapping your hands over your eyes. 

"Like I said before, it was a moment of weakness." Kylo said, his voice threaded with thinly-veiled embarrassment. You couldn't see his face, but you could tell from his body language: he was humiliated. You felt the same, your face burning. 

"I'm concerned," Snoke continued, "That if you had to, you would choose the girl over your duties. I can't have that."

"It won't come to that." Kylo mumbled, his head raising to peer up at Snoke's projection.

"It might. I need to know where your loyalties lie, Ren." Snoke's eyes thinned even more. 

"My loyalties are to you. To the First Order." Kylo said, your stomach dropping slightly. You knew he had to say it, but the words still slashed painfully at your heart. 

"And the girl," Snoke pressed on. "What is she to you?"

"She is nothing more than a distraction." Kylo responded. "She means nothing to me." With that, your heart shattered in your chest, the air leaving your lungs. You stared at him, your whole body feeling as if it was frozen in place. Your jaw hung open, tears brimming in the corners of your eyes. You knew he had to tell Snoke what he needed to hear, but he didn't have to say that. That felt real--like he really meant what he was saying. You turned away from the doorway, clasping your hand over your mouth to suffocate the sobs bubbling up in your throat. With a loud smack, you slammed the door back closed, catching a quick glimpse of Kylo spinning around to meet your gaze, his eyes flashing with shock. But you ignored him, locking the door and running to the bed, collapsing down on the mattress and burying your head in the pillow, your cries being drowned out in the fabric. You screamed into it, your throat burning as you sobbed, your ears ringing with his words. She means nothing to me. It replayed in your head like a broken record, torturing you with every syllable.