The Choice

37

I didn't know how it happened. It just happened. Carlos' lips were on mine, and I had to admit- it was my first kiss. It wasn't at all awkward and the only reason I pulled away was because I felt awfully embarrassed. 

"I-I," I pulled away, looking everywhere but at Carlos' face. 

"Madeline, I'm so sorry. This was my fault," Carlos apologised. 

I shook my head, "I-I have to go." 

"Wait, Madeline. How will you know where to go?" Carlos called but I was already out the door

Without looking back, I fled the room and was met with an unfamiliar hallway. I knew I wasn't too far from the royal wing. I was just too confused to think. Why did I kiss Carlos? Why did he kiss me back? Had I really had my first kiss? 

I tried to retrace my steps, turning different corners until I was officially lost- something that was becoming way too common. 

I don't know why tears began to run down my face. Maybe it was the kiss, or the fact that I was lost in the palace for the billionth time. 

I angrily wiped away my tears, and was prepared to find another way back to the Ladies' Wing. It was almost 10pm and I desperately needed sleep. But my search for the right route was caught off by hushed voices. 

I quickly ducked into another hallway, as the voices came nearer. Strangely, I couldn't hear a word of what they'd said. It was all very suspicious. Why did they need to be whispering? What didn't they want others to hear? 

"There you are," Carlos' voice startled me, causing me to yelp. "Why did you run away?" 

I suddenly felt very small and embarrassed. Carlos probably thought I was some weird Lady, scared of physical touch. When did I even start to care what Carlos thought anyway? 

"I-, I've never been kissed before. It was all very strange. I'm sorry," I apologised, still not making eye contact. 

"I just wanted to clarify-," Carlos started but I already knew what he was going to say. 

"It was on the spur of the moment and it doesn't mean anything- trust me, I know," I completed for him. 

Carlos looked like he wanted to say more but thought against it. "Come on, I'll show you the way back." 

*** 

As soon as I was back in my bed, late that night, I couldn't get any sleep. I stayed up thinking. I felt so stupid, so angry with myself. I never should have stayed in the competition. I never should have agreed to become 'friends' with Carlos. I never should have let my hopes get high. 

Eventually, I drifted into a restless sleep, the events from the day going over my head like a broken record. 

***

The next day, luckily, there were no major events and I managed to get a good night's sleep, regardless of the happenings of the day before. 

I woke up to the sound of knocking, though I wasn't annoyed as I had gotten a good amount of sleep and was bound to wake up soon anyway. What I didn't understand was why someone was knocking. Imogen and Lucy rarely knocked anymore, as they were already accepted. Plus, I rarely got any visitors.