Atonement

•18•

"So we kind of kicked ass." I say to Haz as we pull out of the driveway from our deal. We got 20% more than we were going to ask for. We really do work better together than alone.
"We definitely did." He nods. "Celebrate? Wanna go get lunch?"
"Definitely." I smile.
We drive to a very fancy very high end restaurant that I haven't been to. It looks to be new. The valet takes the car, and we go inside through the big glass doors.
"Mr. Osterfield, welcome." The much older man in a black suit says and I lift my brow to Haz.
"Kinda own the place." He shrugs and I roll my eyes.
"Of course you do." I laugh lightly.
"Right this way." The man leads us to a table in the back, a great view out the window.
The host leaves to get us wine, and I redirect my gaze from out the window to my phone. I get an email from a name I don't recognize.
Robert Silas: hello, Mrs. Alderidge. I think we need to chat. You owe me money.
My eyes widen slightly. Who is this man.. why in the world does he think I owe him money?
"Is everything okay?" Haz asks.
I look up to him, locking my phone quickly.
"Yes." I nod, and set my phone down.
"You seem stressed out." He states.
"I'm fine.. promise." I lie.
We get our wine, and order some food. Having lunch with Haz is actually pretty great, he is a lot more comfortable and talkative when it's just the two of us. He's constantly in work mode when we're in the house, which makes me feel bad for him. He should be able to relax in his own home.
"Do you have a family?" I ask.
I can tell the question takes him by surprise.
"I do." He nods. "A mum and a little sister."
"Do you ever see them?" I ask.
"Not often. They don't really want to be around all of this."
I frown at his answer. I can't imagine how hard it must be to feel like your family hates you for what you do.
"I'm sorry.." I say.
"It's for the best. I'd rather them be uninvolved and safe." He says.
The idea of Haz having a family seems so foreign. He doesn't seem like the family type, but I can tell he really does care about them. He just wants them safe.
"What about when you have kids? Gonna keep them from the life?" I ask.
He practically chokes on his wine, setting the glass down slowly and avoiding eye contact. Jeez.. kids are definitely a trigger for him.
"I- kids? I haven't thought that far into the future." He shakes his head.
"You're 24, soon enough you'll meet a nice girl and maybe have a baby." I say.
"I'm not the fatherly type." He states honestly. How is he not the fatherly type? He seems like he'd be a great father. Protective, caring, strong.
"You don't know that." I say.
"Believe me, Aurie. I should never have kids."
_________
Haz, Tom, and I sit around the fire pit thats slowly burning out. Everyone has gone to bed, but we stayed up drinking, maybe a little too much.
Tom has been a little flirty with me tonight, but it's really hard to tell if it's real flirting or just his personality. I think Eli may be right, I might have just a teeny tiny crush, but it will pass.
"I think I'm going to head to bed." Tom says, standing from his seat next to me.
"Already?" I ask with a frown.
"Aw you gonna miss me sweetheart?" He asks with a cocky smirk and I laugh.
"Yeah a little." I shrug.
Haz rolls his eyes at me, taking yet another shot. Jeez someone is grumpy tonight.
"Goodnight guys." Tom waves, stepping inside the house and shutting the door behind him.
Haz downs another shot and I raise my brow at him.
"What is up with you?" I ask.
"Nothing. Nothing at all." He shakes his head, reaching for the bottle of vodka once more but I grab it first, pulling it from his reach. He gazes up to me, an unimpressed look on his face.
"No more alcohol until you talk." I say.
"You know you are the most frustrating person I've ever worked with?" He states.
"Could say the same for you." I tease.
"No. I'm being serious. You're so hard headed and stubborn. You always want your way, and you always think you're right. You're always there, breathing down my neck, double checking every move I make, do you realize how exhausting it is to have you around me all the time non stop?"
"Haz.. I didn't realize you hated me so much." I almost laugh, completely confused by what I just heard.
"You don't get it." He groans, standing to his feet and walking over to sit next to me.
"Then explain." I say.
"It's not exhausting because I hate you." He shakes his head. "It's exhausting because you make me feel a way I've never felt before and make me want things I've never wanted before. You. I want you, but you don't want me. That's why it's fucking exhausting."
Did he really just say that? Haz wants me.. Eli was right this whole time. Unless..
"You've had a lot to drink, Haz." I say.
"It's not the fucking alcohol talking Aurie. It's me." He says, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. "I tried to deny it, I tried to make the feelings go away, but they won't. Every day it just gets worse and worse and I can't keep it in anymore because I'm sitting here, watching you fall for a guy who doesn't see how amazing, and beautiful you are. I do though. I see you, Aurie."
I'm speechless for the first time in my life. I truly don't know what to say to this, especially because I'm a little drunk, and he's very drunk. I don't want to say the wrong thing..
"Haz, I think we should sleep on this.. come back to it when we're sober." I say.
He sighs, dropping his head down to look at his hands. I can't help but feel bad, I know that wasn't what he wanted me to say.
"Alright.." he nods.