Daydream Of My Funeral (Frerard)

10

When frank woke up this morning, he was in a much better state than he was last night.

"Good morning, sugar"  frank said "want any breakfast?"
I nodded and thanked him. He is really gonna kill me with that nickname. When frank returned he was holding plates of toast and glasses of water. I once again thanked him and we ate in silence.

After a while, he broke the silence.
"Im sorry, Gee. For yestarday." He had a look of guilt and shame on his face.
"Dont worry Frankie. How are they?" He sighed before revealing the cuts on his arm.
"Better. They still hurt. A lot. But they arnt opening back up or anything." I just nodded and finished my glass of water.

"Ive got therapy soon so i have to leave for a bit. Will you be okay or do you want to come with me." I asked as i looked at him carefully, studying each facial movement.
"C-can i come with you? I dont completely trust myself right now." I nodded and grabbed his hand, being careful not to touch his wrist, and made my way to Sashas office.

"Hey gerard." She greeted with a smile as i walked into the room, frank trailing behind.
"Frank is staying with me today, if you kick him out i wont come to any more sessions." I said before i even greeted her back. I looked at her with a dont-try-me look on my face. She sighed and nodded.

"Well gerard, how are you feeling today?" She asked as usual.
"Fine, a little bit on edge though." She noted what i was saying as i said it.
"And why is that?" I looked over to frank and decided id tell her half of the truth.
"Somethings happened yestarday that upset me." She wrote what i was saying again.
"And are you ready to discuss these things?" She glanced at me as she asked and i just shook my head.

"Well gerard, thats okay. Moving onto the next thing. How are you coping without your family around?"
"Its sort of the same as it was at home, minus mikey. My parents never really bothered with us because they worked to much. But i really miss mikey. So fucking much." I started to tear up as i spoke and she continued to write everything.
"Is there anything else on your mind, gerard?" Frank. But of course i wouldnt admit that with him in the room.
"I want to hurt myself. A lot. Its like i wake up and all i want is the beautiful pain i used to feel when i would cut myself" i admitted, once again my eyes spilling over with tears that fell quickly from my eyes and down my face.

"I see. And is there a reason for these thoughts?"
"I miss mikey. I hate myself-" i was cut short by her inturrupting me.
"What do you hate about yourself?"
"Everything." She started to write before turning to her computer, typing and then printing something.

"This, gerard, is a thought sheet. Every time you think something negative, write it down in a box with the time. If these thoughts reoccur, tally them." I giggled as i remembered this from Am i normal yet.
"This was used in one of my favourite books." She laughed lighty along with me and handed me a few pieces of paper and a folder to hold them all.

"Thank you, sasha."
"Just doing my job, Gerard. Have a great day both of you." We nodded and left.

"Well, now i know evie wasnt lying about this therapy thing" i said to frank and he just giggled. Instead of going back upstairs, we went into the garden and sat in the space we had sat on, on the night of the fireworks.

"Gee?" Franks voice was quiet"will you sing that song for me?"
I nodded and began to sing Demolition Lovers.

In this moment, i was completely content.