Folie à Deux [Yandere Guardian x Abused Female Reader]

40. Morning Guilt.

Eamon's pulse was pounding in his temples and even as he lay in a semiconscious state he could feel an aching in his muscles and a heavy weight in the pit of his stomach. He had the feeling something bad had happened but he can't quite grasp what it was.

His eyebrows knit together as he tried to think of what it was, but he was so warm and comfortable despite his aching limbs that it was all he could do to not fall back asleep. Eamon sighed in contentment despite the feeling of dread lingering in his gut. Man, I haven't felt like this since when Ann and I used to-

His eyes snapped open suddenly and he sat up, realizing that he felt the way he used to after having sex with his wife. He looked around and found himself in an unfamiliar and lavish bedroom with black cherry wood furniture and porcelain blue wallpaper with sunlight shining in through the large windows. A sickening jolt passed through him as memories from the previous night crashed over him.

He had arrived at Baymore estate yesterday with Y/N to give legal advice and moral support to his friend Irene, then he had discovered that Y/N had disappeared and he had been frantic with worry and spent hours looking for her. By the time he had found her he was quite emotionally worked up and had crossed a line that he never imagined he would.

The sounds of Y/N's moans echoed in his ears and the memory of her soft skin against his was burned into him. It didn't matter that it had been the most pleasurable night he could remember because he was instantly consumed by sickening guilt and regret at his actions.

Oh my god - oh god - what have I done?! He thought in horror, clutching a hand over his mouth as he suddenly felt like he was going to be sick. He felt like crawling out of his skin in revolution from his actions. I am disgusting I-

His spiral of self-deprecating thoughts and shame was interrupted by the sound of muffled crying. Instantly on edge, he looks around for the source of the crying and saw that Y/N was sitting at the foot of the bed underneath the blankets. Despite the fact, her face was completely hidden he could tell by the sound of her sobs that she was bawling her eyes out. Immediately Eamon felt ten times worse about his actions but those emotions were overridden by concern for the girl who he treasured so much.

"Oh my god! Y/N I'm sorry," Eamon gushed as he crawled across the bed to her. He tried to remove the blanket from her head but she pulled it back over herself and continued to cry. "what's wrong, tell me please?!" He asked, desperate to repair the damage he had done by sleeping with her.

"My-my mom was right," She whispered, her voice trembling with emotion. "I-I'm just a d-dirty slut."

"Y/N!" Eamon practically gasped, his graey-blue eyes wide. It stung worse than any of the insults he had thrown at himself to her Y/N say such awful things about herself when he knew that all of this was his fault. If anyone was a slut it was him. "Don't say that about yourself, you are the kindest and most wonderful girl I have ever met, you are certainly not a slut. This is all my fault, I never should... have had my way with you like this..." He lowered his head in shame.

"No no, I wanted to," Y/N protested, poking her head out from within the blankets when she heard the guilt in his voice. "I wanted to sleep with you... So doesn't that make me a whore? You spoil me with things and I want to repay you with sex-" before she could say any more she burst into sobs again, tears and snot running down her face as she cried hysterically.

"Oh sweetie," Eamon tried to shush her, his heart breaking at the sight of her tears. He wanted to hold her and tell her that everything would be alright, but he was scared to touch her after what happened between them. "You mean so much more to me than this, you are my whole world."

"I-I doubt someone as plain and awful as me could ever be your world..." Y/N said apathetically, turning her back to face him. "You-you'll probably be bored with me now that you've had my first time... W-why else would anyone want someone like me?" She sniffed, her tone filled with self-loathing.

"Y/N, listen to me because this is very serious," Eamon told her firmly, his voice unusually serious. "I would be dead if it wasn't for you."

"W-What do you mean?" She stammered, turning her head around to meet his intense gaze in surprise.

"Look, after Sean died I-I was considering taking my own life too," Eamon answered with a dejected sigh as he reflected on how close he had come to ending it all. "I couldn't take all the guilt and regret I felt. I felt like I had failed him as a father and I still feel that way. I thought, since my son will never be able to experience another day then neither should I..." He rubbed his hands together, trying to keep his voice steady. 

"I just wanted everything to end, but then I met you," he looked back up at her with sappy eyes to find that she was hanging off his every word. "You changed everything. I know that I have made many mistakes in my life, but despite that, you gave me a reason to live. I want to protect you from all the pain of the world, and I want your days to be filled with nothing but happiness.

"Protecting you... That is the only thing that gives my life meaning," He took her hands in his and caressed them with trembling fingers as he voiced all the feelings that lived in his heart. "It-it scares me sometimes just how much you've consumed my life, but I can't fucking stop it...

"God it scares me but I can't stop these feelings I have for you," his grip on her hands became tighter with every word he spoke. "I think about you all the time and I love you in every way that it is possible to love someone." His eyes were wide as he pulled her closer to him but Y/N's surprised squeak snapped him out of it and he recoiled from her, horrified that he had almost lost himself to his emotions.

"I-I'm sorry I don't know what came over me," He stammered, worry and regret coursing through him. He just stared at Y/N, frightened to touch her again. "I-I just love you so much I can't control it and last night when you were missing I was out of my mind with worry and I know that doesn't excuse the fact that I forced myself on you and forced you to-" he rambled guilt rising up within him again.

"-Sshh," Y/N interrupted him gently, placing a finger against his lips as she leaned against him. "You didn't force me to do anything. I wanted to have sex with you because... Because I love you too..." She let her voice trail off and hid her face against his chest, embarrassed about confessing the confusing feelings she felt for him that she was now sure were love.

Eamon wrapped his arms around her and held her close, after several minutes she spoke again. "So... What are we gonna do?" She asked him timidly, "What are we..."

"Well despite how much we love each other, we can't let anyone know about how we truly feel because I would no longer be allowed to be your guardian or even see you," Eamon warned her, gently rocking her against in his arms. "We'll have to keep our romantic relationship a secret, can you do that for me?" He questioned her, knowing that if anyone found out about what they did the previous night he'd likely be locked up for the rest of his life.

She nodded her head, her eyebrows wrinkled in concentration as she put on the most serious expression she could. Eamon felt his heart melting at such a cute sight and he kissed her forehead before squeezing her tight.

"Great! I know you can do it doll," He murmured as he continued to hold her as they knelt on the bed. In the silence that followed, he realized the full gravity of what had happened between them and had to struggle to not be sick as a wave of nausea overtook him.  I slept with a minor who was my son's best friend, even worse I enjoyed it... I'm a fucking monster.

A/N

Looks like Eamon and Y/N have truly cemented their feelings for each other, but will those feelings change as Eamon loses touch with reality?

I will be switching back to writing Motheaten Memories for a while so this book will not be updated as frequently.

until next time I'll see you on the other side

~J. C. Coltt.~