Infidelity

14

My alarm jolts me awake. I don't understand why it sounds so distant. Maybe it's because I'm still very sleepy. It's all very confusing because I'm wide awake but I feel very numb and I can't move. I also feel very cold and wet below my lower back. What is happening?

My alarm goes on and on, it's really frustrating because I'm unable to reach it. Why am I awake but I can't move?

"Africa!! please be alive..." I can hear the panic in Keletso's voice even though it sounds muffled. I want to tell him I'm alive however, I can't. I'm also confused by the fact that he thinks I'm dead when I am certainly wide awake. I mean my eyes are wide open.

He touches my neck. His fingers feel distant. It's like there are many layers of skin before he can actually reach my skin. Not being able to see anything is really getting under my skin.

"good, you're alive!!' he exclaims happily but I can tell from his loud sniffs that he was crying. He paces around the room loudly. It seems he doesn't know what to do.

"okay... uhhh the car!! let's carry you to the car" he sounds a bit unsure of himself. He keeps touching me and leaving me. He must be really stressed, afraid to hurt me. Poor soul.

I eventually and finally feel my body levitating. It sort of feels like I'm floating. I feel a sharp pain in my lower abdomen. I close my eyes since I can't see anything and I succumb to the pain.

The trip to the hospital passes by really quickly and before I know it I'm waking up in a hospital bed.

"what happened?" my voice is a bit hoarse and I can see that Keletso looks the way I feel.

"Thank God, you're awake" he lets out a sigh of relief and I can see some of the tension and worry easing up off of him.

The doctor walks in and I sit a like a child who was misbehaving.

"ohkay..." he lets out a heavy sigh. "I'm glad you're awake but I'm really worried" he uses the same tone that my dad uses when he's disappointed. "in your first bloodwork we did a CA125 test and we found a certain protein. now this protein is commonly found in women who are diagnosed with endometriosis. See I wasn't too worried at first but doing the test for the second time we noticed that the levels of protein have increased so we'll do a procedure called laparoscopy... i'll give you a few minutes and the nurse will be here to prep you." the doctor speaks slowly. I'm guessing it's to make sure that I grasp onto everything he's saying.

"excuse me doc... what's that?" Keletso stops the doctor as he's about to leave.

"The condition or the procedure?", he smiles like a person who likes to brag.

I know what Keletso wants to know so I steal the doctor's shine.

"It's a condition resulting from the appearance of endometrial tissue outside the uterus and causing pain, especially associated with menstruation" I absentmindedly recite the description. I had hoped that it was untrue. Ever since that day I googled my symptoms, I memorised the description. I always advice against the diagnosis of Dr google and that is why I was always saying a silent prayer, hoping against all hope that none of it was true.

"I expected you to come in sooner", he use the disappointed tone again.

"I was afraid..." my voice is low I can't manage to look at him.

"I guess that's understandable, but next time better choices yeah...?" he says  and I nod. He nods at Keletso then he leaves.

"why didn't you go to the doctor?" keletso instantly turns into my father.

"I was scared" I say to him. "and I also can't afford the bill" I add on to lighten the mood.

"it's already covered" his tone is serious and there goes my career in comedy.

"I'll pay you back." I say and he doesn't argue.

"I thought you were dead." he tells me.

I look at him and I see the worry and fear creeping back into him. The guilt eats me up. My thoughts drift to Sandile. he must be worried sick about me. He probably doesn't know.

"what's the time" i ask him reluctantly.

"half past two" he informs me.

I fidget roughly with my fingers, contemplating whether to ask the question that will definitely blow off his gasket.

"what's wrong" he quickly catches on.

"who did you tell that I'm here?" I try to be careful with my choice of words as I ask him.

"I only told Sphe." he replies calmly. He's way too calm for my liking.

We both stay quiet for a bit. He scoffs and tense up a bit.

"you're worried about HIM?" he snorts. "he should've been here by now if he cared that much." his expression changes into anger.

"Sorry about your clothes" I stare at his bloodstained shirt to avoid looking at his eyes.

"I have to go get cleaned up" his tone is indifferent but i can tell that he's still angry.

I swallow hard as he leaves. I try to think about my upcoming procedure to avoid the mess that I've created.