Infidelity

39

Africa...

I mumble in my sleep...

I'm too drowsy and I can't even make out the words I'm saying. I try opening my eyes but they are far too heavy. I can't make out the blurry figure standing and hovering over me.

I notice a tube that is traveling from above my arm and I figure it's a drip. I can't feel the needle though.

I mumble again and try to get up. I only realise when my head begins to throb that it was a bad idea.

"No-no-no-no." The figure speaks and helps to rest my head comfortably.

I mumble again.

"Africa mama isn't here. She left, remember? She left a long time ago."

It's my sister, I begin to realise when her last words indicate the sadness she must be feeling. Obviously I don't care as I've recently developed a habit of not caring about anything or anyone except myself. I don't even care about the babies growing inside of me, I only recognise their presence.

"She was here. I saw her. She called me... She called me..." I struggle with my breathing.

"Rica. I know." I hear her sniffling.

"Where is she, I want to see her."

"No you need to calm down and rest. I don't want to sedate you again." She tells me.

"Why are you sedating me when I'm preg-pregnant?" I'm still breathing heavily.

"It's not harmful to the babies, you are in this state that you're in."

"I need..." Keletso's name suddenly pops into my head. "to see him."

I rise abruptly, not caring for my throbbing head or anything else. I proceed with try to remove the needle from my hand but Azania quickly catches on. She beats me to it and I'm not strong enough to fight her off.

"You need to rest Africa," she's being too careful in trying not to use my mother's nickname for me. "For someone who seems concerned about their pregnancy, you sure have a funny way of showing it."

"I need him, he needs me." I please with her.

"What he needs is for you and his children to be okay." She informs me.

"And how do you know that?" I didn't expect the sting of jealousy to hurt this much but apparently it does. How did I become so possessive?

"I called him." I can tell she's rolling her eyes even if I can't see her clearly.

"How?" I breathe out.

"I dialed the last number on your phone." She sits down but it's more like a slump. A sigh escapes her.

"You don't like him. You're disappointed." I point out.

"Quite the contrary actually. He sounded... Decent."

"Decent?"

"Yeah he sounded genuinely concerned about you and your babies..." She trails off.

"He's a jailbird. A hard core criminal." I finish her sentence with her own thoughts.

"And you're in the criminal justice industry. It doesn't make sense"

"You wouldn't date a ... patient then"

"It's not the same."

"Nothing in life makes sense. I didn't know then and even when I knew, I still couldn't help myself." I stare at the ceiling. My vision isn't exactly clear.

"Do you love him?" She asks the million dollar question. Even if the million dollars were present, I wouldn't have the answer to that question.

"I don't know all I know is that he offers me an escape. When I'm with him, I don't have to think about anything else. I don't have to think about my pain or my problems. He just let's me be." The explanation makes sense to me and I don't need it to make sense to anyone else.

"You have a huge responsibility at hand, there's no place for a fantasy in your life." She scoffs.

A fantasy. That's what it is. That's what I want and what I am in a great need of , but life keeps on getting in the way.

The children growing daily in my stomach are a constant reminder of reality. I don't want reality. I don't want them.

If I had terminated, I would have surely lost Keletso. I cannot afford to loose him. He is the only thing that makes sense.

**

Keletso...

The phone rings in my hand. My hand has developed a cramp from how much I have been clutching the damn thing.

I see Africa's number. My heart skips a beat instantly.

"Hello..." I can't even hide the excitement I'm feeling. I'm glad I didn't smash the stupid phone when our call was cut short.

"Uhm hello." The person on the other side replies awkwardly and disappointment washes over me. It's not Africa.

"Where's Africa? Did something happen?" I bombard the poor soul with questions.

"She's fine. She just won't make it tomorrow." She informs me.

"Why? Who are you?!" This person doesn't deserve my anger but when it comes to Africa, I just loose my mind.

"I'm her twin sister." She breathes out impatiently.

"Oh," I say awkwardly, "hello then, I guess. Nice to meet you."

I don't really know what to say.

"Africa is fine, she just had a panic attack. I've sedated her so that she can get some rest and calm down. Her stress levels aren't good for the baby." She tells me.

"Babies." I'm unable to conceal my worry.

"She's having twins?!" She sounds genuinely confounded.

"Yes." I don't know why but I'm filled with pride but I'm also overtaken by guilt. My children are going to bear the weight of my sins.

"Okay. That's all." She says and the line dies.

I'm disappointed that I won't be seeing her tomorrow but she deserves the rest. She deserves so much more and she can't even see it