Anthesia

112 "Of what once was there, is now gone away"

My palms started sweating, my forehead mimicking them. I stood there as I clenched my fist looking at Papa Valcor- or do I even call him that anymore? - Suddenly the air was different, the flapping of birds' wings outside got louder, but most of all I was no longer looking at the same man I have lived with for the past few years.

"Minaufa", he took few steps towards me and I instantly stepped back. His face crunched as he stood there confused and I knew I had to say something to save myself at that moment.

"I just wanted to drop off your food, I couldn't find you at the study hall". Great save! I thought to myself. Just when I started making my way out, I felt the pain of him stopping me by my wrist.

"You know child I hate it when you enter my room. There should not be a next time", he spoke with rigidity in his voice. It was evident that he didn't want me there. His room is something he's been hiding from every single soul in this palace.

His mask is off though, I know he's a bad man or was I too fast to judge? There were caged animals, does he do bad things to them? Their scars and everything that I witnessed were spiraling in my head one after the other.

"Ye-yes Papa Valcor, I understand", I spoke as I rushed out of the room. I could feel his eyes on me the entire time as if he wanted to make sure I found my way out. But I couldn't go back to my room, not yet. I needed answers as, fortunately or unfortunately, the roof I live under is now my home too and I don't want to be living with an unlawful man. So, I looked around, and as my eyes wandered, I found a room, empty and shaggy- still better than mine. As soon as I heard footsteps from the hallway, I hustled my way in hoping to God whoever it was hadn't seen me.

I hid behind the door, trying to figure out who it was- Miamer Ruthal. "Why was she going to Papa Valcor's room at this time? Whatever might be the reason?" So, I followed her, trying to be as secretive as one could be. Soon enough we were there, the same room which hid much more than few books in a bookshelf. I waited for her to go in so I could follow her.

Soon the door opened and there stood Papa Valcor with his eyebrows scrunched like always. I know what you did and what you are. I might be in Agatha but the Stelarious name must count for something. Not a single nerve in my body was ready to rest until I figured this out. I plaster my ear on the door to hear if Miamer Ruthal was a part of this too. I had a hunch that she was, a strong one.

"I think she is grown enough to know", I heard Miamer Ruthal say.

"She is not!" his voice made me flinch, "she will be soon, just not yet. I feel terrible for keeping things from her, Ruthal. She is not one of us but yet it feels like she is. I watched her grow these past few years and it hurts me to still treat her like a stranger", Papa Valcor lowered his voice.

"You are right Valcor. She is – uh no more a small girl from Alona who was sent away because they didn't want her. All she has left is us."

It was me, I am the little girl. Maybe this is what love feels like- messy, smeared, and not a berried picket fence.

I got up from my knees knowing quite well that I don't need to understand everything because when it's family, you trust blindly. I walked away from the multiple questions running through my head, leaving them outside the door. Even though, every part of me that questioned the Agathians on the other side of that door; because it was time, I tell myself, I am one of them.

So, I ran to my room, and fell onto my bed- the weight of my thoughts weighing me down. I soon opened my eyes to the sound of a breaking glass. I looked around the room, trying to focus what it was that made that sound. I could now hear voices, static but I can recognize that voice from anywhere. It was Papa Valcor arguing with someone yet again.