Unholy deal

Chapter 13

I twist my engagement ring around my finger like I've been doing for the past few days, just thinking about the moment I'll have to take it off. And give it back.

Breaking up with Ares wasn't a mistake.

Right?

Somehow, I find the courage to knock on the door of Ares' house, which was our house just a few days ago.

This seems so unreal. I really thought for a while that I was going to spend the rest of my life with this man. Maybe have children in a beautiful big house. And have dogs and cats. But I guess we just don't have that kind of love.

The door opens, and I force myself to look up and meet his eyes. He seems tired and sad. He also looks like he's been drinking a lot. I don't like this.

"Hey, come in." His voice is raspy and cold. He seems devastated.

I try to say hello back, but the words get stuck in my throat. I feel my heartbeats growing faster, and my lungs seem to collapse. I see myself walking through the door, but my consciousness stays outside, vanishing in the air. Suddenly I'm devastated too.

It's cold inside the house. The lights are turned off, and the fireplace is quiet even though it's a cold day. I can't feel the heat that would normally be provided by the floor heating under my feet. It looks like life has disappeared from this house. It looks like Ares hasn't been here for the past couple of days.

"How are you?" He asks, and I realize we're sitting on the couch. When did we sit down? How long have I been here already? Five minutes? An hour? I can't tell anymore.

I stare at him, not knowing what to tell him. I don't think he's really expecting an answer.

He is dressed casually, in a black hoody and grey sweatpants, and his hair is wet. He probably just got out of the shower.

"I don't know." I'm not even sure it was me who spoke.

"Yeah, same." I look at him again, hoping to be able to read something in his eyes, but he doesn't spare me a glance.

"Ares, I'm sorry." He takes in a big breath and readjusts himself on the couch.

"Don't be. It's best for us."

"You're not mad?" I frown at his lack of response. He stares in front of him. He seems... dead inside.

I feel suddenly very uncomfortable. The fire lights up, the lights turn on, there's a cup of tea in my hand and music plays in the background. Ares is standing in front of me smiling down at me. He leans down and cups my face, coming closer, but the moment his lips touch mine everything disappears and I'm back in this cold living room.

"I'm not mad. Like I said, it is what is best." I take a look around, fazed by the memory that popped out of nowhere.

"What are you feeling?"

"Relieved." His answer comes out easily. Fast. Stomping on my heart.

"Re-"

"Relived, yeah. It could've worked between us for a while but eventually... we would've fallen apart."

"I- I don't know what to say." He was relieved that I walked out on him. "You were relived... you- Ares?" I'm at a loss for words. I agree that we made the right decision, but I'm not relieved to be broken up. "Relived?"

"I know how that sounds. And I promise I'm not saying this because of you. I had my doubts too and I felt relieved that it wasn't just me. That you were hesitating too."

"You hesitated? Why?" he brings a hand up to his face, rubbing away the question. I know him, when he does that, he is thinking of a way to change the subject. "Anyways..." No point in trying for an answer. "I believe this is yours." I pull the engagement ring off my finger and give it back to him." He looks at it and takes it in between his fingers, observing it. "Thank you for giving it to me."

"Thank you for giving it back."

"Of course."

We sit in silence, both of us staring at the ring. It holds a memory, for both of us. Even if it's over, this ring reminds us of the beginning of the end. It hurts but it feels nice. The story comes to an end.

"Can we stay friends? I absolutely don't want this to mean it's totally over." I play with my fingers as I ask this question.

He nods. That's it.

"Well, I'm going to go." I say, standing up. He stands up with me and walks me to the door. When I turn around to say goodbye, his lips come crashing down on mine. I let it happen. Just one last kiss.

His hands curl around my waist to keep me steady. My hands are in his hair as he backs us up until my back hits the wall. The kiss comes to an end, too soon if you're asking me. He stares at my lips. One of his hands comes up to my face and his thumb delicately slides against my lower lips. His eyes are dark. He is completely lost in his thoughts. It reminds me of myself when I sometimes fall deep into a memory. And an important one.

But I don't remember ever being in this situation with him.

He lets me go and pulls away. His eyes looking at everything but me.

"Goodbye"

"Goodbye"