Liberty Calling

Chapter 18

I spent that night pacing impatiently around my bed. It was a wonder I didn't leave a worn down trail along the edges of the room. Long into the morning, as voices began to ring through our home, and wagons rolled past my window, I sat on my bed, and thought over all I'd learned. The information I now knew about Seth was more of a burden than I ever wanted to bear. What could I do? I knew I ought to report him. The thought made my stomach twist uncomfortably, and my mind went back to a dark cell far below the decks of The Valiant. Caleb was a spy for the continental army, just like Seth. They were the same. If I reported Seth, if I told Father, he would be executed within the week. My heart dropped to the floor, and I knew that despite what I felt the night before, I could not live in a world without him. Even if I never saw him again.

Slowly, and almost not of my own accord, I made my way to the library. I felt far too sick to eat, and was horrified that in speaking to someone, the secret would reveal itself. And so I rushed down the stairs and into the library before anyone could see me. I cursed when I found Seth seated in the corner of the room.

He stood abruptly, though neither of us moved beyond where we were. I despised the way my heart still skipped a beat in his presence. The way I still couldn't look away when he watched me.

"What will you do?" His voice was soft.

My heart quaked, fighting against what I was about to tell him. I hated him for doing this to me. I hated him. "You're asking if I'll give away your treason?" He said nothing, and I looked down, unable to meet his eyes. I couldn't bear to look at him, for I knew if I did, I would not have the strength to turn away. "No, Seth, of course I won't. If I did, you would be killed and...I couldn't bear that. But I will never forgive you. Know that. You say you want this war to end, but your actions are what keep it going. You are the reason my brother is dead."

A horrid silence fell over the room, colder than any I'd known before. The conflict within my heart seemed to tear me apart quite literally, and I gripped my chest in pain. My eyes began to brim, and I hated myself for my weakness.

"Emmeline..." Seth whispered, his own voice breaking.

"Please," I cried, putting a hand out. My eyes could not raise higher the collar of his waistcoat. "Seth, do you realize what you've done? Have you even considered what kind of position you put me in? If anyone found out I knew of your treason, and did not report you, I would be hung alongside you."

A breath escaped his lips as though he'd been hit in the stomach. "I'm so sorry." His voice rose no higher than a whisper. "I know that means nothing, but...I am so deeply sorry."

"Please, go away," I said, tears falling freely from my eyes. I thought my heart would break, and the grief I felt in the moment was all too similar to the grief I felt for my brother. "I don't care how, just...if you ever cared for me, please leave this house. And do not come back."

A jagged breath escaped him, and it shattered my heart. He was frozen, and when he remained silent, I glanced at his face. His eyes shone, and I turned abruptly so that he could not see the way his tears affected me. A soft, slow footstep told me he began to walk away, and the door shut gently. That's all Seth ever was- soft and gentle. And now he was gone. And I wept.

---

That evening following supper, I sat with my family in the parlor. Seth had left the house hours before and had not returned. And so I read aloud to Father, and pretended as though all was well, and everything was as it should be. Only once did my voice grow weak, and when Father inquired after the issue, I assured him I had only felt a tickle in my throat.

I closed the book gently, as one poem ended, and looked at Father. His eyes were tired, and he slumped on the couch, in a position I'd known since childhood. He was well on his way to sleeping.