Where I Am Without You [L.S]

Chapter Thirty Three

Gemma and his mum are a god send. The moment they step through into the kitchen and spot Louis they treat him as if nothing had ever changed. Louis hasn't stopped smiling, a genuine smile this time that isn't plastered on for appearances. He and Gemma tease one another through a glass of red as they sit behind the kitchen bench and he and his mum finish preparing the meal.

He finds himself focusing more on Louis than he does on finishing the meal. To distracted by the way he tilts his head back when he laughs, how his eyes crinkle in amusement and the way he always rebuttals what Gemma throws at him. It's easy between the four of them, so similar to what it had once been like during 'family dinners' that his thoughts scream at him LouisLouisLouis. It's intoxicating to be around the four people he loves most in his life, even if it isn't exactly how it had once been. He's too grateful to have Louis back in his life now, whatever they are, that he doesn't overthink what all of this means. At least he won't for tonight.

Every part of him is drawn to the man before him. Now that he knows how Louis feels it's overpowering the urge to curl up into his side and stay there forever. He's bigger than Louis now, far bigger, but that doesn't stop the feeling of longing to be wrapped in his embrace where he's always felt he belonged.

Even before they were ever together, those agonizing days in the X – Factor house when he'd fought so hard to keep his growing feelings for his best mate in check it hadn't been as much as it was now. Back then he'd been young and naive, sneaking off for a moment of privacy when being around Louis without actually being with him became too much. It was truly a miracle he wasn't caught back then.

But he's not the love sick teenager he once was. He has years of experience having learnt every trace and line on Louis' body, knows the way he feels under him and how he responds to him. He's gone four years without finding that with anyone else and now to have it so close yet not quite is infuriating and creating a desire so deep he isn't sure how much longer he can contain it.

It's hardly just physical either. It's a lot more than simply wanting Louis body. He misses the shared moments between them, it's slowly getting back to that now, especially after their trip to PortMeirion, though they're a long way from curling up together on their sofa or in their bed and whispering to one another. He misses it desperately though, being around Louis, knowing him. The thrill of sneaking around backstage at various venues, squeezing together on the impossibly small bunk beds on tour buses, sneaking into hotel rooms, creating secret signals and gestures on stage meant solely for the other to understand.

Dinner is almost ready when he finally convinces Louis and Gemma to set the table in the room over, watching as they fight over who gets to arrange which cutlery piece as if they were in fact the siblings currently in the house.

Anne turns on him the second those two are in the other room and he has to fight not to shy away from the knowing look in her eye.

"If you were trying to hide your emotions from us all you're doing a very poor job darling."

He doesn't bother trying to appear confused by her words, "Think I'm quite over hiding my feelings when it comes to him."

"Does he know that? More so than guessing from the longing gazes you've been offering all evening?"

"Sort of."

"Sort of...."

"We talked, in PortMeirion. And I may have told him that I'm still in love with him."

"And what did he say?"

"The same." He says quietly.

"Oh sweetheart." His mum comes to stand before him, a steady hand resting on his forearm.