Where I Am Without You [L.S]

Chapter Forty

Arriving outside of Louis' family home hits him the moment the engine turns off. The two of them sitting in silence and he tries to recall the last time he'd been here. Back then he'd have leapt out from the car, gone straight inside to hug them all, spend hours in the kitchen with Jay, girls running around him and teasing him, stealing any bit of Louis or his affection in the limited time they had with them both.

But there was no Jay waiting inside for them this time.

He realised then how strong Louis had been over the past couple of years, he'd spent so much time away from his family and now that Jay was gone his best memories of her were in this house, surrounded by his family.

Louis seemed to be thinking along the same mindset as him right now, and instead of dwelling on it he reached over, taking Louis' hand in his and squeezing hard. He couldn't make this about his sadness, he wouldn't taint their first time back here together with solemn memories of what had once been. They needed to truly move past that now.

Last night had been a relief for both of them from the fast paced nature that had taken over their lives in recent months. He, Gemma, Anne and Louis had spent hours huddled in the lounge talking. Only moving to bed when he'd promptly feel asleep curled into Louis' side, having to been shaken away by a bleary eyed Louis and almost carried up to their bedroom. He'd not lasted half a minute after being lain down on the bed before he'd fallen asleep once more. He'd woken up that morning to Louis pressed to his side, arms wrapped around him.

Neither of them spoke as they pushed open their car doors, forgoing grabbing their luggage for now as they wander up the short distance to the front door.

They don't make it all the way to the front door before it flies open and three young woman and barreling out towards them.

Daisy and Phoebe go straight for Louis but he's caught off guard when Lottie slams into him and wraps him tightly in her embrace.

            "Welcome back home stranger." She murmurs into his shoulder. He pushes back the tightness in his throat at her words and pulls her tightly into him.

Walking into Louis' families home is just as odd of an experience as he'd thought. He feels incomplete being here without Jay here to fold into, offering her endless wisdom and simply being like a second mum to him. There's also the missing excitement and energy from Felicity, he can't help the way his eyes trail across the room searching for them both but mentally draws himself back before it becomes obvious.

"We'll show you round come on!" Daisy says to him, the first time either of the older twins have addressed him yet and he smiles as he trails after him.

"It's nice to see him looking like that again you know." Phoebe says once they're out of earshot from where Louis and Lottie remain in the lounge catching up.

            "Like what?" He questions.

"Properly happy. It's like a light went out in him over the last few years, he's been Louis but not quite Louis you know?"

He hums in response, thinking back to how different Louis had seemed on that first night he'd reconnected with him back in December. He'd noticed it too, that slight disconnect between the man that had stood before him compared to the memories he had of him.

            "I think we'd both spent so much of those five years we were together in invested in each other that without that constant feeling around it was as if there was an incomplete factor in life, at least that's how I'd felt."

"We're sorry you know," Daisy says next, "About how we treated you back when we first saw you again." He goes to dismiss it but she continues before he gets the chance. "We were too young to understand what had happened between you two when things ended, all we knew was that you weren't around and Louis was miserable. That year was so hard for us and I think at the time we put some of the blame and anger we felt towards everything onto you just because we could. Louis never wanted to talk about it so we just continued thinking of it like that."