BLOOM • awsten knight

82

APRIL 2019

As soon as Awsten gets home, he heads straight to his bedroom, and opens his text from Elle.

He stares at the file, before looking around him for a moment, and letting out a sigh.

"Hey, man, are you oka—"

Jawn knocks on his bedroom door, beginning to push it open slightly.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Awsten cuts him off, standing up to close the door again. "I just need to listen to something," he explains, noticing Jawn's concerned expression. "I'm okay, seriously."

"Okay," he nods, stepping back from the door, to rejoin Daphne in the living room.

Awsten grabs his headphones and sit on his bed, before pressing play.

Remember That Night is easier to listen to now, so he just enjoys the sound of her voice, trying to mentally prepare himself for whatever Elle has written about him in the songs to come.

He likes Comfort Crowd; he picks up on hints of himself within the lyrics, but it's not solely about him. There references to Taylor, too, so he comes to the conclusion that the song is about how the two of them were a comfort to her when she was having a hard time.

He recognises Never The 1 immediately, remembering it from when Elle played it for him in the studio.

He takes the time to listen to Into You and Stay more carefully.

Stay makes him cry, now that he's listening to the studio version alone.

(Can We Be Friends?) serves as an interlude, and he listens to how smooth Elle's voice sounds; he thinks this song is more about Taylor than about him.

When Awsten looks down at the title for track seven, a breath catches in his throat, and his mouth runs dry; Please Don't Say You Love Me.

Those words echo in his head.

He didnt realise quite how much those words hurt him when she said them, but now, his heart is aching.

The lyrics make him to realise a lot, though; it seems like Elle was scared of things changing between them, as well as worrying about things reaching a certain level of seriousness, when she wasn't ready for it.

Heat begins to rise behind Awsten's nose, and he cries again.

He lets out a deep breath, suddenly feeling like he's putting some pieces together.

He understands why she felt wary, after the way things panned out with her last relationship; Awsten understands that more than anyone. Slowing down seems like the best option for both of them moving forward, as she mentions in the song, and he makes a mental note to talk to her about it.

His tears don't seem to stop when Mean It begins to play.

Elle's voice is soft, but it sounds like she was crying while recording, which only tugs at Awsten's heart even more.

Another tear slips down his cheek, as he admires her lyricism; the realisation of how well she articulated their situation makes it hurt all over again.