Atticus

Chapter 22

I'm still as my boat approaches the coast. I am still as the cost guard climbs on and finds me. I am still as they carry me and put me in an ambulance. I am still when I arrive at the hospital.

As I lay in the bed, I can only hear the beeping of the heart monitor. The doctor told me that despite being a bit dehydrated and needing rest, I am healthy.

It's because of him that I'm healthy. He took care of me when he realized his mistake.

I didn't say much and the doctor seemed confused as to why I was so quiet and emotionless.

It isn't until I heard a familiar voice outside the door does the beeping of the heart monitor quicken. In walks Joseph with tears in his eyes.

I sit up and hug him, refusing to let go for 10 minutes. He pulls away and I spend the rest of the day with him.

When I tell him what happened, I leave out the part about the creatures and Atticus. He sees that there is a big hole in my story but I refuse to say more. He doesn't push for more.

After a month, I start a new routine. Doctor visits for about a week, therapy which I soon drop because I don't have much to talk about that I can tell, working for the sailing company and occasionally at a bar in the town.

As I am going to take the order of a young man, he looks me up and down. I feel uncomfortable but don't show it. For most of the time, my face has stayed in an empty state. I smile but my smiles appear pained. It hurts to smile when it's not for him.

The young man has sandy blonde hair and bright blue eyes. They are nothing like Atticus's eyes were. These eyes are light blue and not the same deep blue as Atticus.

"What can I get you?" I ask.

"I'll have some fries and two beers if you will join me?"

Any girl would be happy to sit down with a handsome man like him. But I feel nothing. Not annoyance, not joy, not interest.

I politely decline and go to get his order.

It happens a few times. More and more men keep asking me to eat with them or for my number. I keep declining. Eventually, I can't handle it. One man does it in a rude manner and I give him his food before leaving early.

I head straight for my car and feel the rush of deja vu as I head to the docks.

"Kaia, can you..."

"I will be right back, Joseph."

He sees me going for dad's boat that had been repaired.

"Kaia, please don't. I don't want to lose you again."

I look up at him with empty eyes and he pauses. "I'll be right back. I love you."

He nods. "I love you too. Please be safe and be back before dark."

I agree to be and I speed out of there. I ignore the slow signs as I use the new motor to head for the ocean. I go right back the way I came.

I don't know what I am doing or what I am expecting to find. I need to go back and see if he is there. I can't live without knowing.

If he isn't there, I don't know if my life will be considered worth living. I won't take my life or Atticus's sacrifice will be in vain and Joseph needs me. But it won't be much of a life.

I wipe the tear away and speed up the boat. This time, I'm moving around the boat without much joy or excitement. I feel worn and empty as I head for the island.

The water turns light blue and I feel a slight stir in my chest. As the island comes into view, I slow it down. I drop anchor and look out on the island. There is no movement.

Last time I came here, it didn't take long for him to show himself and I hope that he will as soon as he hears my motor.

I jump into the water and swim to shore. I splash as much as I can, hoping to call him while also hoping that my recklessness won't summon one of the bad ones.

I sit on the beach and watch my boat rock. I wait and wait as I feel the sun beat down on me.

Every now and then there is a splash from the boat. My heart has learned to accept that it isn't him and to stop being so on edge.

If I find him, I will give him my world. I will explode with joy and never let him go.

But the more I sit here, the more I lose hope. The more I feel empty and like I am alone. That other half of me is gone and I have been torn in two until the day I die. I will live with this hole in my soul for the rest of my life.

The sun begins to set and I realize that I will have to give Joseph one more heart attack.

I swim back to the boat and dry myself off. I try to eat something but I have no appetite. I only manage to eat an orange and a granola bar.

I watch the sun set and use every ounce of daylight to search the waters. Of course, nothing happens and I am left alone in the dark.

I crawl into my cot and where not even the blanket can make me feel warm. His warmth is the only thing that will keep me from shivering.

I weep for half of the night before I fall into a fitful slumber.