The Gory Details (Gross)

Gory Details #33 "Just Say Ogopogo"

You know the story; you'reparked by the side of the lake with your lovely lady. Things are going well except that you'vegotten your watch band hooked on one her bra's hooks and are trying to get itunhooked without looking like a moron. While you struggle, something begins to bubble and churn in the wateroutside the car. Slowly a toothy headrises from the deep and towers over your car. Your lady screams. You think it'sbecause of your skills but no she's seen the lake monster through thesunroof. It's too late. The monster grabs the car in its jaws,shattering glass and crushing metal. Asyou are hoisted into the air and then under water, you can't help butwondering; "Why do so many lakes have lake monsters?"

Humans have got great imaginations. And I don't just mean that they can think up lots of stuff. I love human imaginations because they are paranoid. Introduce one ethnic group of humans to another and immediately each will assume the other is up to something. Show a child a closet with dark corners and it will fear monsters. Show a perfectly sensible adult a lake with murky depths and stories of lake monsters will abound. It's all absurd but that's how humans roll.

Some supposed lake monsters are funny some are frightening. Let's take a look at a sampling from around the world.

Bessie

Lake Erie has a monster named Bessie. (I wonder where they thought of the name.) It's been "spotted" on and off since 1817. There's a serious effort underway to spot Bessie, or at least to take a lot of pictures of the lake and claim to be looking for Bessie. I hope these clowns aren't getting a government grant.

Nessie

Found in Lake Loch Ness near Inverness in Scottland, Nessie is by far the most reported and studied lake monster on the planet.

Reports of Nessie sightings go back as far as the 1700s. As with all mystical creature sightings, Nessie changes a great deal. It's been a murderous spirit, a strange sea cow that came onto land to graze or eat sheep or, more recently, a plesiosaur that somehow didn't go extinct when the rest of the dinosaurs popped off several tens of millions of years ago.

There is some evidence that dinosaur age species may yet survive on the planet. After an absence of tens of millions of years, the Coelacanth (a bony fish) turned up in a fishing net in the middle part of the last century. There are many more issues trying to keep a breeding population of six hundred pound plesiosaurs alive in Loch Ness than in keeping Coelacanths alive in the whole ocean, but the possibilities keep the tourist business (Thirty-five million dollars in 1993) alive and well.

There are some interesting geographical notes about Loch Ness. First, most of it is less than a mile wide. It is formed by a subduction fault and is a long, narrow wedge. By the same token, it is quite deep, more than six hundred feet at the center. Also, the name of the beautiful castle ruins standing on the bank, is Castle Cricket.

Ogopogo

This is a lake monster from Lake Okanagan in Canada. There is actually some possibility that this creature exists. There are eels in Ogopogo that occasionally reach much larger than normal lengths for reasons that are not clear. It may be that sightings of Ogpogo are sightings of mutant eels, a good story idea in their own right.

I like it because of the name, Ogopogo. It sounds like something my five year old would try to name the new kitten.

Other

Here are a few of the other lake monsters in North America.

A New York hotel manager admitted that he had created a lake monster on Silver Lake to increase business to his hotel. I understand he got several years of free nights at the New York State maximum security hotel as a reward.

The Lake Champlain monster "Champ" was actually photographed in 1977. Unfortunately, the negative was lost so no verification of the validity of the photo can be made. Hmm.

The White River monster from Arkansas is thought to have been a lost Elephant Seal. I can see how an Elephant Seal on the way between two ice flows in Alaska could end up in Arkansas. Really, I can. I don't think O.J. did it either.

Then of course, there's Bear Lake Utah. Rather than wait for the monster to come up, tour operators have built a sixty-five foot long pontoon boat in the shape of the monster. Myself, I'm never getting on that thing. Never mind that it's tacky as all hell, but sooner or later the real lake monster is bound to show up try and mate with it. Not while I'm onboard thanks!

Now get out there and write. 

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