The Gory Details (Gross)

Gory Detail #40 "Maggots Part 1"

"It started with maggots; seven huge, white maggots."

Normally, the Gore Monger likes to pick a topic and report on it but this month not one but two of the people who work with the Gore Monger's mild mannered alter ego reported enjoyable encounters with maggots so I've decided to interview them. First of all Nancy Lutz, nurse and program manager for a major government initiative.

"Hi there Nancy."

"Hi...um Gory."

"So just tell me how it started."

"Well, I had just gotten home after picking Janice up from dance and was going to make dinner when there were these seven maggots on my stove."

"On your stove?"

"Yes."

"Was your stove very dirty?"

"No! It was just this clean, egg shell brown electric range with seven huge, white maggots squirming around on it."

"What did you do?"

"I don't know. I said something like, 'Oh my God!' I dropped my keys."

"Go on."

"Well, we looked all over and couldn't figure out where these maggots were coming from. I was starting to think it was a really sick joke Derrik was playing on me. I told Janice to get the Lysol and I sprayed down the stove and the whole counter."

"Did it kill the maggots?"

"Yes but not right away. They writhed around first and the Lysol sort of foamed around them. That's not the gross part though."

"What's the gross part?"

"When I was cleaning off the stove I just happened to look up at the grill in the fry hood. There was a maggot sticking out of it, wiggling. I told Janice to get the Lysol ready then I pulled the grill down. It was totally full of maggots. They poured out on my hands and sleeves. Janice freaked and started spraying me with Lysol. I had to get control of myself enough to yell at her before she suffocated me."

"How many maggots were there?"

"I don't know. Enough."

"And they were all writhing in Lysol?"

"Yes, and hanging off my shirt sleeves and there were more of them falling out of the air vent where I'd pulled up out the filter."

"Could you see anything up there?"

"We got a flashlight and Janice found a can of wasp spray, but the vent turns to go out the side of the house just about six inches above the fry hood and we couldn't see anything but a few maggots that hadn't fallen yet."

"You had a tough decision in front of you."

"Right. Janice, just wanted to spray up there with the wasp spray and leave it alone. But not me. I said, 'I want what ever is up there out,' so I rolled up my shirt sleeve and got a pot holder."

"A pot holder?"

"A pot holder. I sat up on the stove and reached into the vent with the pot holder."

"Go on."

"I almost couldn't do it. I knocked down some more maggots and also crumbles of this brown stuff that I guess was just regular junk built up in the fry hood. I was about up to my elbow when I felt something. Kind of a round something. I grabbed it with the pot holder and started sliding it down the vent pipe. It was wet and there was something sliding along behind it. I had to kind of twist it to get it out of the fry hood. It was a squirrel."

"A what?"

"A squirrel. I had hold of the head of this dead, maggot infested squirrel that had climbed into the outlet of our fry hood and died. It was bloated and its hair was gone from its belly. Its eyes were also gone and it's hair was kind of matted and greasy."

*Sniff* "This is so beautiful."

"What?"

"Nothing. Go on. You were holding this dead squirrel."

"Right. I was holding it by its head and it was kind of posed like it was sitting up. Janice screamed again. At least she didn't try to spray it with bug spray. I told her to calm down and get me one of those baking foils like for cooking a roast in.

"You put it in a roast foil?"

"Yes, She held it out and I dropped the squirrel into it. We rolled it up and out to the dumpster it went. I cleaned the stove and fry hood and that was it."

"How long was it before you used the stove again?"

"I haven't yet."

"Nancy thank you. That's one of the greatest stories I've ever heard."

"You're welcome. Oh and Gory, Janice suggested I bring you this."

"What is it?"

"It's the pot holder."

*Gasp!* "Really? Oh now you've made me cry. Really this is too much. Thank you Nancy; dead squirrel finder."

"You are so weird."

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