The Smirking Jerk (Blake's POV)

Chapter 85

Chapter 85

When I came back home from therapy, Josh was lying on my couch.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, dragging my feet to my recliner, and let myself fall on it.

Josh lifted his arms in the air, shaking them, "Pyyyyjaaaaama paaaartyyyyyy."

I rolled my eyes. This felt somehow normal, and I was actually grateful for it. "We're not doing a pyjama party."

"Whyyyyy noooooooot," he whined.

"Because I'm going to change and then head to the treadmill and run until I pass out," I replied, matter-of-factly.

"Well, that's no fun. How am I supposed to braid your hair if you're running on a treadmill? It's not going to go well. I'll definitely pull your hair. Is that something you want?" he tried to joke.

I was grateful for it, but it was also useless.

I wasn't going to be good company.

"Go home Josh," I told him seriously, looking at him.

Josh sat up, to look back at me more properly. "I thought this was home," he replied, looking at me with serious eyes too.

"Stop looking at me like that."

He raised an eyebrow. "Like what?"

"Like you think you can make everything okay. You can't."

Josh snorted. "You don't know that. Maybe I can. Maybe I can fix the whoooole world."

I stared back at him. He and my brother used to be my whole world, once upon a time. Life was so much easier back then. "I wish it was just you and me and Jayden. I wished we were living somewhere far away from here, the three of us together, going on crazy adventures and doing stupid stuff together," I found myself admitting out loud.

If I still had my brother, maybe I could do without Lexi.

Maybe things wouldn't feel so fucking meaningless.

Honestly, I had no idea what I was supposed to do now that there was no more Lexi.

I'd have to find something to do to pass the time until I died, I guessed.

I wouldn't actively search for death. But... well, that was all I was waiting for now honestly.

What was the point of anything?

Maybe reincarnation was true and I could be reborn as Jayden's little brother again, and I could be a happier person and I could feel something other than utter emptiness.

I usually felt warm all the time, like my body was warmer than normal people, but for the last few days I felt so so cold.

My hands were cold, my feet were cold, my heart was cold.

"I'd trade my soul for that, I really would," Josh replied in a breath.

"You know what? I fucking hate Kendall too," I found myself suddenly admitting. 

"Yaaaaas queen! Yaaaaaas! Hop on that train!" Josh yelled, shaking his arms and legs in the air. 

I almost chuckled at his antics. "Are we bad people?"

"Hating bad people shouldn't make you a bad person."

Unconvincing, but whatever we needed to think to make ourselves feel better.  "Hmm..."