Misfits (#2)

9.

Everest.

Sex has always been impulsive for me.

I lost my virginity on the same night that I got drunk for the first time. A bad day. I was fourteen and inexperienced, with a girl three years older than me in her parents car. It wasn't spectacular but it gave me the escape I needed.

And impulsivity, I've always liked to act on it. On bad days, that's my fucking motto. I act on rash thoughts and impulsive feelings much more when I'm down. Ergo on bad days, I have a lot more sex.

I look back to where she lies, her chest rising and falling as she comes down. I don't know her name. Excluding her moans, I don't even know what her voice really sounds like.

Luca and Hudson have always thought I bask in it. Fucking random girls that I don't know and don't care to know. I bask in the sex, yeah. But this repeated feeling of shame that always hits me once we're done, I never like. And I never reveal that.

Is this all I am?

I got off and it was good sex. But fuck, I've been doing this for years now. And when I look to the future, I see myself doing it for years ahead of now.

Her hand lightly traces down my back and I look back to her, offer a small smile. She sighs, "That- that was amazing. You're just as good as they say."

It's supposed to be a compliment, I think. I take it and ask, "You okay? Do you want water or anything?"

"I could go for another round." She sits up, smiling and holding the covers over her body.

I don't know her name and it grates at me. She seems sweet, not conniving like others. Red hair and pale skin with flushed cheeks. The party's still booming downstairs.

She'd eyed me from across the room and it didn't take me long after approaching her for us to feel enough sexual chemistry. We gravitated and then we were upstairs, before I could start drinking. We've fucked twice and now, I just itch for alcohol really.

"Maybe another time." I turn to face her fully and smile politely, "Is that okay?"

She nods, "Yeah. Of course. I'm just gonna clean up."

We smile and I pull on my sweatpants, my white tee over the top as she walks to the bathroom. Once I ensure she's okay, I leave her and return to the throbbing lights and pounding music.

I walk down the stairs, hearing my name from a few corners. I smile and dap up the people I know as I walk past, the crowd having getting thicker since I first came here.

Running a hand through my hair, I navigate through the crowd as best I can. It takes me a while to get to the kitchen, being pulled by guys and groups. I just entertain them enough and then slip away.

I've learnt that most of your party friends are also fucking boring. As blunt as that may be. It encapsulates most of the people that call out my name every time I walk in to a party.

Really fucking boring.

I know who my people are and tonight, Luca and Ria aren't here. Hudson is somewhere so I search for his dark head of hair amongst the crowd.

It takes me a while before I find him, brooding alone in the corner with a joint. Hudson's a scary looking dude, much like Luca. When I was a little, I used to try and replicate them but it's kinda difficult when I have blonde hair and light features and my smile just kinda comes out.

As soon as I'm in sight, his eyes lift. I smile and he offers a small one back as I stand besides him and outstretch my hand for his joint.

"Who'd you fuck?" He asks.