The Transfer guy (bxb)

17

"It's just for a month Daniel. We'll see how it goes and if you seem to like it we'll extend—" mom wasn't done speaking yet but I decided to get up anyway which caused her to stop speaking. "Where are you going?" she asked but I ignored her. "Daniel, don't act like a child." she said.

"Mom don't you think you've said enough? At this point you're embarrassing yourself by talking so much and getting absolutely no response." I said and she sighed. "Don't act so roughly with your parent." she said and I scoffed. "Yeah, 'parent'. Addressing yourself as my mother hurts your pride right? Because you're so perfect and I'm just a stupid fucking rebel." I snapped and she looked shocked.

I have never snapped at my parents before. My dad seemed to be around and approached us but he seemed to have gotten a hint of our 'heated' moment. "Daniel! Why would you think that?" mom said clearly freaking out because her 'innocent' son had caught onto her behavior. I felt like bashing things. Bashing my head.

"Mom do—and you too dad, both of you do not pretend that you don't think of me as a burdensome useless child because that's what I exactly am to, you two perfect people." I said and both of their eyes widened. "Daniel, if this is about cram school then you're being so childish." dad said and I scoffed again. Lord, they do not know how to stop.

"It is not about the cram school, it's about how my whole living of 18 years have been. Pathetic! A mess! You, you two." I paused and pointed at them. "Made me feel like a thing. Needed and appreciated when it is perfect and forgotten totally when not acting it's best. I am a fucking person and I do not know how to always, always do my best!" I yelled at them.

Good thing no one was around so they couldn't hear our family 'feud' going on here. "That's not true! You're making it up now. We're your parents and we want the best for you! Daniel just stop this and forget about it. No cram school for you just do whatever you've been doing to this day. Acting as a child—never mind." I knew what mom wanted to say. I knew it by heart.

"Acting as a child causing disappointment and nothing else? Oh mother, you have said this to me before." I said and she stood there shocked. She didn't utter another word. "What does it mean?" Dad turned towards mom and asked.

"I-it was one time Daniel." she stuttered knowing she was guilty. "You have to tell me about it." Dad demanded and mom still stayed silent. "Oh dad, dear dad who stays oblivious to these—let me tell you about it." I said and gave mom a side eye. She looked so guilty. I wish she hadn't, that just proves how right I am. I wish I hadn't been so right.

"Remember when I was 11 and you had to leave for a business trip. The babysitter was sick and mom had a meeting she didn't want to miss. I could take care of myself like I have always done but that day I was suddenly having febrile seizures so mom had to stay back to look after me." I paused and took a deep breath.

"That ruined her mood entirely. When we went to bed I started crying because I was having stomachaches. Mom got mad and just snapped at me. 'You're nothing but a child acting as a disappointment!' those were the exact words she threw at her sick child. Oh, also with some how much she regretted staying back and how it would've been better if I was more 'responsible'." I said and laughed bitterly. Both of them were silent.

"Look Daniel, I know I can't say what your mother did was right but—" dad started but I cut him off. "Dad. That's enough. You're not one to talk either. You never cared enough to look into what was really happening. You weren't there when I was born and you always try to justify your and mom's wrong doings. Just, ugh accept it for once." I said, my voice cracking. I couldn't do this anymore. It was exhausting.

"Daniel that is no way to talk to your—" mom started speaking and I cut her off too. "Sorry mom, sorry dad. I'm still not attending cram school. See you tomorrow." I said and left them there standing. It was always me. No matter with who, I had to be the one surrendering first to let the matter not get out of hand.

It was always me. Always me. Who had something to lose. Something to love. And I regretted loving and having that something.

I went back, exhausted. Met Jason on the way he told me all them were going to go out to have a drink and I obviously refused him. He asked me if anything was wrong and told me that I looked like the ugly duckling but not ugly and more lonely. I fake laughed and sent him off. My friends are definitely not the best when it comes to emotions so, if I tell them about it; it'll just make it awkward and nothing else.

Or maybe they are good with emotions and I'm the one who didn't bother to share. I went upstairs and saw Elias was gone. I was kinda relieved and miserable at the same time. Relived that he wouldn't be able to see me at my worst and take a disliking towards me. Miserable because I liked him. I shouldn't pathetically go for things that I can't have. It's a waste of time.

I heard the door open and saw Elias. I stared at him and he stared back. "Hello?" he greeted to bring me back to my senses and it obviously worked. "Oh, I thought you were out with them." I said and he shook his head.

"Too lazy. I just went to grab something from the kitchen. Found these crackers. Want some?" he offered and I shook my head no. He sat down beside me and inspected me for a few minutes then letting his head fall a little down and sighing after.

"Daniel." I turned my head towards him. "Yes?" As soon as I questioned he pulled me into a hug. I stayed still for a few seconds then hugged him back. He let go and smiled.

"Whatever you're doing, you're aware of it. So it's worth it. And whatever that is causing you pain is not worth it. But wasting time is sometimes worthier than it appears to be. I know these are irrelevant to each other but whatever you're doing right now, you're not entirely wrong nor are you entirely right. No one is, no one has to be. There are people who'll like you for even being oblivious and stupid and there will be people who will resent you for making even the smallest of mistakes. Do not take them to heart but do give the first statement a bit thinking."

That long speech of his, it's like he read my mind before giving it. "I don't think I know even one person who likes me for being all that idiotic things." I said and he smiled bitterly. "There are, you're just not aware and there might be someone who you cannot even think of." he said and I nodded.

Someone I cannot even think of, huh?