I Envy You

05 ¦ FINALLY

Jeacela's Point of View

I have never been this excited and at the same time nervous in my entire life. Mas nag aalala pa ako sa katotohanang nasa iisang papasukan na lang kami at mas maraming tao'ng aaligid sa kanya lalo na ng mga babae kaysa sa isa pang katotohanan na may stalker ako at lagi akong sinusundan tuwing gabi!


Nalukot ang mukha ko habang pinagmamasdan ang pagkain sa aking harap. A white pasta with sweet cream garlic sauce. Wala akong ganang kumain ngayon. Kahit kaninang umaga. I can't believed he's really here! Isa pang nakakahiya ay ang ginawa ni Kuya sa lalaking 'yon!


"Hoy!"


Marahan kong inangat ang paningin ko kay Ulysses. He's there at the other side of the table checking his phone, he never seemed to care what I am feeling right now. Nakakahiya yung ginawa niya!


"Instead of traveling every night, mag dorm ka na lang, or I can buy a condominium around your school."


I'm not even thinking of that one. Mas lalo akong napasimangot at isinubo na lang ang pasta nang dahan-dahan. Sinusubukan ko na lang talaga ang kumain ngayon dahil baka kapag nakita ko siya, mas lalo akong manghina. Eww. Cringe. First time.


"Ano bang nangyayari sa'yo? Answer me, yes or yes?"


Did he ask the choices twice?


"No. Kuya."


"' No' is not even included in the choices." Sita niya.


"It's alright, ano ba." Nahihiyang sabi ko. Kunot ang noo niya. I know. We're in the same argument again wherein I have to say no all the time. Alam ko namang nag aalala siya sa akin at na appreciate ko 'yon. It's just that I don't really want it. Matagal na akong sinusundan ng stalker ko pero wala naman siyang ginagawa sa akin. Not that I wish he would do something kaya hindi ganon kalala ang takot ko.


"Jeacela." He called in a serious tone.


"I know defense mechanism. Pepper spray, knife, etcetera." Alam niya naman 'yon. Nakita niya na nga rin 'yon dati. "I have my emergency contact number too."


His eyebrows shot up with a sarcastic expression on his face. "Really? Emergency contact?"


"Or... profile! I mean, Mr. Castaneda!" I forced a smile. Why did I even mentioned his name. Nawala rin agad ang ngiti ko ng wala man lang siyang reaksyon sa mukha.


"Sa lahat ba naman ng napindot mo, siya pa?"


Ano bang napindot ang sinasabi niya? Sinadya ko talaga 'yon. The thought of it makesme smile again pero nawala sa sunod niyang sinabi.


"Nakakahiya ka, Jeacela."


"Wow! Sino 'tong assuming na tumawag sa kanya?" I point him out. Nakita kong bumuka ang bibig niya na parang may gusto pa siyang sabihin pero hindi naman natuloy. "Pero totoo ba yung corpse bag, kuya?"


"Yeah. You can visit my attic later."


At sinabi niya 'yon kay Rhysand? Ano na lang iisipin niya? He must have think we're both weird.


"Hindi ka naman mamamatay tao, noh?" Now that I remember something, nawala ang atensyon ko sa pagiging sad girl. "Kuya, future crime investigator 'to!"


I know a bit of his background. Our background. Hindi man lahat pero may nalalaman din ako na ayoko rin alalahanin dahil hindi ganon ang pakiramdam nang mabuhay ng normal. Kahit na may mga panahon na kailangan kong maging aware sa mga pangyayari tungkol sa background namin, hindi ako pumapayag. I ignore it pero minsan nag aalala rin ako.


"Gusto mo bang matanggal ang lisensya ko someday dahil sa background ng family ko?"

"Chill."


I heave a sigh and rested my back on the backrest. Tuluyan na akong nawalan ng gana.


"2nd year ka pa lang. Magyabang ka 'pag nakatapos ka na. And if you don't want my help, go, maglakad ka every night. I'm going." He immediately stood up and took his bag. Naka sunod ang mga mata ko sa kanyang lumabas ng restaurant habang nanunumbalik ang pagkakasimangot sa aking mukha.


I remain seated on my chair. Napatitig ako sa pagkain kong naiwan. Kanina ko pa 'to ginagalaw kaya durog-durog na ang pasta. I called for the waiter again and ask for ice cream. Maybe it'll help me calm.


While waiting for it, I received a notification. An amount of 500, 000 PHP has been added to my account. Halos 500 lang ang laman nito kanina.


From: Ulysses

Study well and be a crime investigator someday. Don't be such a pain in the ass. And for that amount, you need it to survive.


Padod na akong kulitin ka at pagsabihan tungkol sa pagpapasama ng guards sa'yo o kaya tumira sa malapit na condominium.


I almost laugh at his typo. Seryoso na ako, e!


To: Ulysses

Padod


But right after I sent that message, he called.


"Pagod 'yon. Pagod. Pagod."

I chuckle at that. "Padod ka na?"

"Dati ka bang adik?"

"Siguro?"


The other line went silent. Okay. I'm gonna stop. Hanggang sa mag end mismo ang call. Sungit! Pinsan ko ba talaga siya?


He just drop his last message before blocking me. It's about a woman. Kumunot ang noo ko nang mabasa ang buong pangalan nito. She's the same course with Rhysand. And he wants me to monitor her.


Deianira, again.

—

Most of our professors asked what we did learned last year. Hindi naman naging mahirap 'yon. I just don't know why I always belong in a night class. Hindi ko mabago ang schedule. Even if I asked to be part of the morning classes, hindi naman pwede dahil puno ang slot at marami daw mababago, ganon rin sa adjustments. I don't want to cause inconvenience to them so I just accepted. Tutal, nagpa unang announcement naman na bago pa magsimula ang klase. Inaalala ko lang ang pag uwi ko mamaya.


"We had mentioned before the basic components of criminal investigation. One of it is taking action to arrest."


Narito na kami ngayon sa laboratory. Our professor is wearing a white glove habang nasa harap namin siya. Pinuno ng malaking white screen ang mga ipino-project na details doon. We're just doing some recap about what we had last year para hindi kami mabigla.


Sa kaharap ng white screen ay ang mahabang mesa kung saan naroon ang ilang chemicals and some stuffs to do tracing evidence. One of the basic thing is hair and some fibers.


"Now, when do you think is the perfect time to do that?"


Most of our classmates says anytime, any day when a scene does not require any preliminary investigation lalo na't kung huli mismo. If it's not, it depends on the judge while they keep they interrogate the pointed suspect for the mean time. And that mostly take a week or 10 days.


Our professor agreed on that. Ilang usapan pa ay natapos rin. We're done by 7:15. Inayos ko ang aking mga gamit at ilang notes bago lumabas. Some of my block mates are talking about what we had earlier habang ako ay blangko ang utak.


Kaya naman nag decide akong mag stay sa library to read some of our notes that was given earlier para hindi ako uuwing lito at papasok bukas na limot lahat.


Ilang oras akong naroon at hindi namalayan na alas nuebe na pala.


Naka ramdam ako ng gutom pero mas lamang ang uhaw.


The moment I got out of our building, nilabas ko na ang purple lace ko. Ganon rin ng phone ko. I just have to walk the distance to my home. Maganda ang Sage residence na siyang nasa likod lang ng aming University and most of my block mates live there but it's too expensive. Tinuturuan ko na ang sarili kong maging matipid ngayon.


On the second thought, Am I?


Tapos ang gusto pa ni Kuya ay bigyan ako ng condo ko na mas malapit doon. I just think it's not necessary. Tamad pa naman ako pagdating sa pag aayos ng gamit. It's gonna be hectic kung sakaling lilipat pa ako kaya naman mas okay na ako sa tinitirhan ko ngayon. It's still near my university. Tanging ang problema ko lang naman ay iyong stalker ko.


I bite my lower lip when I felt him again following me from a distance. Hindi ko magawang masanay. Sino nga ba ang masasanay sa ganito?


Kabisado ko na halos kung saan niya ako sisimulan susundan. Ilang distansya lang sa gate ng De Alicante ay nakasunod na siya.


And, it's annoying!


Sa kabila ng panginginig ng kamay ko ay pinilit ko pa rin na maiangat ang phone at hinanap ang pangalan ni Rhysand na siyang laging tinatawagan ko. Okay lang kahit hindi niya muli sagutin but it would be better and helpful if he'll answer it—


"Oh...?" Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Nasa boses ko ang hindi makapaniwala.


He answered the damn call on the first ring! Naapektuhan nito ang paglakad ko na siyang tumigil. Nawala sa isip ko ang tao'ng nakasunod sa akin! "I... I thought you're not gonna answer it."


"Not this time."


I literally covered my mouth hearing his beautiful voice. I can't believe it! Mukhang okay rin palang tinawagan siya ni Kuya!


"Ah... hi... " I did a soft laugh out of my nervous heart. "Ang awkward. And, I'm sorry if I'm being a pain in the ass. That's what you told me." I'm glad I still find myself continue walking while responding.


"Ulysses?"

"Yeah. Him." I confirmed.


I can still feel my stalker behind me but now that I have someone to talk to on the other line, it helps me calm.


"Huwag mo siyang kakaibiganin. Hindi siya bff material."

"Why?" He sound innocent. Is he? At bakit may pa 'why' pa siya? May balak ba siya?

"Kasi mataray siya, pre! Mas mataray pa sa babae."

"If you say so." He then let out a soft chuckle.


Ilang sandaling katahimikan matapos nang sinabi niyang 'yon ay ako muli ang nagsalita.


"Ano ba 'yan, ang tipid mo namang sumagot. Wala na tuloy akong masabi."


Halos ikutan ko ng mata ang sarili. Dati ay ayos lang sa akin kahit hindi niya sagutin ang tawag. Ngayon ay demanding na ako dahil bilang lang ang mga sinasagot niya. I hope he don't mind.


"Where are you?"


Is he planning to pick me up?! Oh my God!


"Uhm... Kalalabas ko lang ng University."

"Bakit ka pa andiyan? Gabi na Jeacela."


He mentioned my name? This is the first time I heard him says my name. Sa sobrang tuwa ko ay hindi ko nakita ang may kalakihan na bato sa harap ko na siyang tumama sa paa ko. I flinched in pain. Nilayo ko ang phone ko at napahawak sa may binti ko. Ang tanga! Ang sakit!


"Uy, pare wag naman ganyan. Sobrang seryoso naman."


He became silent after that, clears his throat and speak again. "Bakit ka pa andiyan, Mareng Jeacela?"


I tried hiding my small laugh but it became even more loud. "OMG! I like you, na!"


"Bakit nga?" Pambabalewala niya.


"We have a night class and it requires laboratory. Hindi rin ako umuuwi lalo na kapag wala akong naiintindihan sa pinag aaralan. Especially it's a recap. Nakakahiya 'yon."


"Isn't it Freshman week?"


"Sa mga Freshmen lang. Ang daya nga, e! Dapat kami rin may break. First week ng class, may klase agad, ang daya! How about you? BSA, right? Ulysses mentioned. Nag klase na kayo?"


I stop in front of a store. Wala nang laman ang tumbler ko kaya bumili ako saglit ng maiinom. Pasimple rin akong sumilip sa likod. Of course hid hide himself. At kahit hindi ko na siya nakita roon ay ramdam ko pa rin naman.


"We are given one week to familiarize the school and to get ready for the performances in every section."


I got confused for a second. What is he talking about? Why are they given one weak? Is he...


"Wait... So you're a..."

"Yep. It sounds like you stopped walking."


Wow. I didn't know. I thought... What happened? Napatitig ako sa bottled water na hawak ko at ininom na lamang ang laman non. I want to ask questions but I'm afraid he won't like it.


"Keep going. I will talk to you 'till you get to your house."


Mabuti na lang talaga ay nalunok ko na ang tubig bago niya pa mabanggit 'yon. His words are very comforting.


"Dapat ate din ang itawag mo sa akin. Nag ingat pa ako para lang hindi kita ma-disrespect, mas bata ka pala sa akin."


Ilang sandali rin ay nakarating na ako sa bahay. I immediately open the door and lock it. Gusto kong silipin ang labas kung naroon pa ba siya but nevermind. Baka pagbukas ko ng pinto, nasa mismong tapat siya.


"I stopped studying that's why I'm late."


May kung anong humagod sa puso ko. Why did he stop? Hindi naman siya iyong lalaking parang tamad mag aral kaya nag stop. I think there are more reason behind it.


"I am older than you. Hope you're not mad about that."


I bite my lower lip and start slapping it. Nakakahiya! Ang lakas ng loob magsabing mas ma bata siya.


"Sorry! Ito talagang...  bungangang 'to..."

"Stop slapping your mouth."


The way he said that made me stop. He sounds demanding and respectful. Is that even possible?


Naiwang nakadapo ang kamay ko sa aking labi. "Sorry, it's my mannerism. And sorry for calling you, pre. Naku..."


Umiling ako na parang kaharap lang siya. I turned on the lights and put down my bag on the couch.


"It's alright. You're cool. I like it."


I flash a smile. Mabuti na lang talaga ay wala siya dito.


"Akala ko nga masungit ka po. Kaya hindi niyo sinasagot ang tawag ko." Hindi ko na nga ata mabilang kung naka ilang tawag ako sa kanya na hindi niya nasagot.


"You can call me anytime you want."


I found myself covering my face for 3 seconds, restraining myself from getting hyped up, even more, saka kunwaring kalmadong nagsalita.


"Thank you."


Nagtungo ako sa aking kwarto at naghanap ng pambahay. "Nakauwi na ako, pre! Salamat at may nakausap talaga akong tao ngayon. Mukha kasi akong tanga na nakikipag usap sa phone kahit hindi mo sinasagot."


He went silent again. Hindi ko gustong iparamdam sa kanya ang guilt pero mukhang ganon ang nangyari.


"Sorry. I assumed you were just playing with me which is why I didn't answer your calls."


Well, that's understandable.


"I'm sorry too. And hey, first rule from Luca Pacioli? 'Don't assume unless otherwise stated'?"


"Paano mo alam 'yan?"

"Saw it on Facebook."


He chuckled. "Alright. Talk to you next time. Lock the gates and make sure you lock the doors too."


I nod with that. Nagawa ko na ang mga 'yon. I'm happy he still mentioned it.


"Be careful. Call me anytime." Huling linya niya bago namatay ang tawag. Roon lang ako nakahinga ng maluwag at halos sabunutan ang sarili sa sayang nararamdaman.


Isang oras ata akong nakatitig sa wall at nakikipag usap dito bago ko na realized na dapat pala akong magpapalit ng damit.


Damn it!