Li Jin Qing: The one behind it all

Epilogue 1: Coronation

A part of Shang ye still hoped that she'll be in her room.

She said she'll still be in the palace for a little while, but why hasn't anyone seen her? He could still see her face even if he closed his eyes, and he knew the palace layout like the back of his hand. Surely he would be able to spot her even if she was hiding?
As much as he wanted to believe otherwise, he knew better than to underestimate her. If she didn't want anyone to find her, no one would.

Even with that knowledge, he still dared to hope. Surely she would at least be there for his coronation, right? He wasn't asking for much-- a congratulations, some encouragement, or even a final word of advice. She didn't even have to talk to him if she didn't want to. All he needed was for her to be there in the crowd.

Spring was coming.
The weather was getting warmer, and buds were slowly starting to form along the branches. The council had chosen a proper date for such an important event, but it didn't feel right without her.

Her sister, Xue Hua, had described it well. "It feels wrong to live in a world without her in it. After all, we've all been revolving around her whether we've known it or not." But she had assured him that this moment longing will soon pass, and that she would want them to eventually forget about her.

Though that may be what she wanted, Shang ye doubted that he ever will. 

Although the war hasn't officially be declared over, there had been a mutual truce between the two countries ever since the Song had lost its best general and since the Wei had lost its Xue Xian. Sure, there were minor skirmishes here and there, but the results of those little battles never mattered. The winner of the war was clear as day, and all resistance would be crushed eventually.

He let the servants dress him in his grand coronation gown, and dismissed them when they were done. It was a few sizes too small, as it was originally intended for his brother, but the seamstresses managed to fix it together so he could at least wear it. Many of the precious stones and beading had been tastefully removed -- after all, it was still wartime. If he did dare to dress so extravagantly, Jin Qing would surely scold him for being so insensitive for the suffering common folk, and that he should sell them to help them recover from the war.
It was still a beautiful robe even without all the embellishing, and he wished she was here to see it.

Shang ye looked back at his table. He'll move into the emperor's quarters after the coronation, but he had a feeling he'll come back to his usual office eventually. The emperor's hall was stuffed with books and scrolls, devoid of any of the personal belongings that he'd grown attached to while he was here.

His eyes drifted over to the shelves, his gaze lingering on the box of board games he used to play with her.

With a sigh, he sat down at his desk with his hands to his face. Although Jin qing had said that he'll do better than his brother as emperor, how could she be so sure of that fact?

A slight, spring breeze rustled the papers on his desk.
There was something new there. A single sheet of paper that wasn't there before.
Shang ye recognized the handwriting.

     I've written this note several times already, but I suppose this would be the one to be sent to you.

     Assuming that I've won that final battle and that your brother was smart enough to give up his throne for you, you should be reading this on your coronation day. By the time you've received this letter and is reading this, I would already be gone to drift along with the winds in search for the carefree life that I've always wanted. Perhaps I'll travel the other countries and admire its sights. Maybe even wander west to the land beyond the desert and north beyond the plains if I'm feeling adventurous enough. Or I'll settle down somewhere in a cottage next to a river with my own crops and animals. Who knows? There is a world beyond the walls of the Wei city capital.
     I should be there to congratulate you  for your ascension to the throne, but I hope this sheet of paper will suffice. Whatever my choice is and where ever I end up, it's unlikely that you'll ever see me again. I don't intend for that to happen. The Wei will need to learn to stand without me, but rest assured: I will be there to hold you up if the Wei does stumble. After all, I've done too much for this country for you to tear it down within my lifetime. At least wait fifty years before ruining this country. I still have family that lives here, and you better take care of them after I'm gone.  
     You'll be fine without me. Don't miss me too much.

     Play plenty of boardgames in my honor, won't you?

Your board game buddy

Shang ye folded the piece of paper and stuffed it into the folds of his robe. It was unlikely that Jin qing would still be in the palace to watch him get coronated, but at least he'll be carrying her note next to his heart while he ascends to the throne.
For some reason, a part of that felt right. It suited her style more, didn't it? She never liked being in the center of attention, always preferring to sit back and watch everything unfold behind the curtain. After all, who's going to stop her? His brother sure tried, but she ended up back where she wanted to be anyway-- a nobody wandering the world, living a carefree life without the burdens of being the Xue Xian. 

Shang ye patted his chest where the note was. 
She was right. They needed to learn how to stand without her. And if they could learn how to do that... well. 

Maybe everything will be alright without her after all.