Poetry/ Random shorts

I Didn't Mean To

I didn't mean to do it. It was an impulse decision, an act of self defence. I didn't mean to do it, but I would do it again. I saw red and acted upon it. He had it coming and only had himself to blame.

Rain, there's a lot of rain. I can hear it pounding on the windows, I'm finishing some work. It's only me in the building, everyone quickly dispersed home before it got dark and started raining. I soon finished my work and packed everything into my bag, before going to the employees only kitchen to get a snack. I was looking in the fridge when I heard footsteps. I slowly turned my head and let out a shaky sigh. It was Jordan. My boyfriend. He always hit me and our friends always took his side. "Maybe he had a bad day" they'd always say. I never did anything about it because he was bigger and stronger. My hands began to shake, in fear or anger I did not know, so I held them behind my back.

"Hey Jordan." I try to sound happy and smile at him. It won't stop him from hurting me but I can at least try.He does not look happy. I keep looking at him and smiling anxiously.

"Eating again?" he says disgustedly. I was wondering how long it would take him to insult me, he does it at every chance he can get. A few minutes pass and he begins shouting at me, I only hear every other thing he says. He needs to stop talking. I hear him yell 'fat', 'useless', 'lazy' and so many more. Before I realise, my face snaps to the side, cheek burning and his hand where my head was. He just slapped me.

I stay there, head still snapped to the side, stunned. I can't take this, I'm not going to cry. My blood pulses in my ears. I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself. I look up to him, a smirk plastered on his face. He looks into my eyes and sees the fire burning through him. His mask of pride momentarily slips into shock, before returning to smugness. He carries on yelling. His anger frightening me, I take a couple of steps back. He notices.

"Where are you going? You think you can just walk away huh?" He says, voice getting louder with each word. He thrusts his arm out, grabbing my shoulder. I flinch as he grabs my other shoulder with his other hand. Tears threaten to spill from my eyes as he shoves me, hard. I fall into a cabinet, a pain piercing through my spine. I reach my arm out, desperate to find something, anything in order to defend myself. I will not be the victim, not today nor ever again.

I feel the tip of the knife on my fingers, I grab it. Wincing as it cuts through my skin, blood pooling out. I drag it towards myself, at this point, he's stalking towards me slowly, as if to intimidate me. It wont work, not today, not as he pulls me towards him, our faces mere inches apart, our bodies pressed together. I seethe at the contact. He grabs my chin in his hand and brings my face even closer to his.

"You know I love you baby, I would never hurt you, you tripped and fell, right?" He says, his lips grazing mine, his nails digging into my chin. I smirk against his lips and plunge the knife into his stomach and twist.

He sharply intakes a breath as he stares at me, a mixture of fury and pain evident on his face. I take out the knife and stab him with it again, and again, and again, and again. His body folds over onto me, I slowly guide him to the floor, he tries to speak but I shut him down.

"Shh, shh, you're okay baby, you're going to be fine, just lie down and rest for a minute." I whisper calmly. He keeps trying to talk, having to take a breath after every few words. I let him speak this time.

"Why... why do this... you.... Monster." I stare at him blankly and slowly trail the bloodied knife across his face, only cutting his skin enough to let a couple drops of blood escape. The fright in his eyes was amusing, is this how I looked when he beat me? I brought the knife to his throat and slit it, his blood warming my hands, the only sounds being the rain and the gurgles he made as he tried to breathe. I smile softly to myself and stand, stepping on his body and walking out of the building. The only regret I have, is not doing it sooner.