You vs. My Whole Life | Bang Chan

Broken Compass

Don't ask me how I managed to get out of there. I genuinely have no idea. I remember running and running. Oh, and running.

Where was I supposed to go?

Stray Kids Headquarters, sure. But how was I gonna get there? 

I couldn't help but think about those cliché movies where the main character gets inside a taxi and just tells the driver to drive her home. Or wherever her heart truly desires. No address, no nothing. 

I felt just as clueless as that poor driver must have.

It was a miracle that I made it somewhat back in the city. None of the buildings surrounding me seemed familiar. 

I kept running, my heart hammering in my chest. I forced myself to keep the fast pace, not daring to take a break and catch my breath.

As long as I was running, my mind would be occupied with finding a way, pushing every other thought to the back. 

At least that's what I kept telling myself.

And somehow I ended up at my old apartment complex. I came to an abrupt halt. Realization knocking into me like a ton of bricks. 

I had taken the same exact path that Chan had to have taken when we first met. Or the second time when he got shot. 

Or both.

Chans face overtook my brain. His smile. His kiss.

Him with a gun shooting Taeyongs dad. 

I shook my head vigorously, desperately trying to get rid of the image. Concentration, Y/N. All you have to do is get back to our shared apartment and call Sana. Or anyone for that matter-

"Y/N?"

My head whipped around in surprise of the familiar voice. Oh thank god. 

"Changbin!" I couldn't contain my happiness and jumped into his arms. He smiled awkwardly and ruffled my hair. I only noticed the motorcycle and his leather suit once he put me down. He put his arms on both of my shoulders and pushed me a few centimeters away from him, looking me up and down. His eyebrows furrowed together as if he was searching for something.

"Are you hurt? Y/N, what happened?" I shook my head. "Then why are you crying?" I hadn't even noticed the tears streaming down my face until he pointed them out. I was a full blown mess and my eyes mimicked an entire waterfall. 

"I don't-" I couldn't even utter a sentence. Gosh, get it together.

Changbins eyes darkened. "What did he do to you?" 

Poisoned my mind and broke my heart.

"N-nothing!" Another form of the truth. He could tell I didn't really want to talk about it. Or talk about it with him. Whatever he saw in my eyes made him stop his questioning. Instead he tapped his ear twice.

"Chan, I found her."

I felt numb at the mention of his name. 

"Would you stop fucking screaming- I can't hear any-" Changbin yelled into the mic frustrated. Then his expression changed and he got serious. "She's-" his evaluating eyes met mine. I tried to give him a slight smile. "...okay" he concluded, not accepting my attempt at convincing him.

He handed me his helmet without another word. 

"I'll bring her back."

Chan ran to me immediately when the sound of the motorcycle announced our arrival. He embraced me before I could even get off. The blood in my veins froze. I couldn't even listen to whatever he said to me. 

It felt oddly like when we met the first time. When I was scared of him because I didn't know him.

Only this time it was worse. I was scared of him although I knew him.

Maybe I don't know him after all. 

"Y/N?" he slipped the helmet of my head and his bright smile died the second his eyes met mine. 

My entire body was shaking. 

"What the fuck happened?" he growled, carelessly throwing the helmet to the ground. I flinched.  His eyes widened in horror. 

We stared at each other, eyes wide open, reflecting each others emotion. The last thing I saw was a flash of pain before he closed them. Then he opened them again and took a big step back, holding his hands up in defeat. I could tell he was swallowing the knot in his throat.

"What did he tell you?" Chan tried his best to remain calm, almost whispering the words in the process. He forced himself to take another step back, his hands balled to fists.

I knew I had to talk to him. I knew I had to know the truth. 

But I wasn't ready to have this conversation. Not yet.

"W-where's Sana?" 

Chan stared at me in disbelief. "You do know that she was the reason you got taken in the first place." 'Away from me' were the unspoken words in the tense air between us.

 I simply nodded like it was the most normal thing in the world. He looked like he wanted to take both of my shoulder and shake me while yelling at me to snap out of it. Instead of doing so, he took another step back. 

"She's with Jihyo," he sighed. 

"Where?" I demanded to know. I had to get to her immediately. She had to know about Johnny.

Johnny.

Hopefully he didn't get too hurt. 

Who am I kidding?

Hopefully he was still alive. 

The guilt was eating me up from inside.

"I'll take you," he suggested although it sounded just as demanded as my question. 

"No!" 

He cocked an eyebrow and stretched out his hands in frustration. "You know I'm trying to help you out here. I don't know what happened and I can't do anything about it unless you tell me. I'll let Jihyo know once you tell me, I'm not sure what she plans on doing with her traitor."

A traitor. That's what Sana was to them. 

He put his hands up in defeat. "I just need you to communicate with me." 

"Tell me what happened, please babygirl," he begged.

I knew he was right. And he would help Sana. And maybe we could all help Johnny. 

"Chan" my voice sounded hoarse. "I know now." His brows furrowed in confusion. "He told me."  

"I-I know that you killed his dad."