waves~ || skz Jeongin

rain~

Christmas came and passed.

I wrote Jihye a Merry Christmas, give Harin a kiss from me.

It was hours later that my phone vibrated.

Merry Christmas to you too. Harin misses you.

The first thing she'd written me in two months.

My hands were shaky as I typed a response.

Tell her I love her, please. I love you too. Always. Forever

I spent the rest of Christmas Eve crying.

She didn't answer any other texts after that.

I only had those few words. But it was something.

~

Somewhere in those blurry days between Christmas feasts and New Year's drinking my gender changed again.

It didn't frighten me anymore.

Over the last view weeks I had watched half the internet's worth of make up tutorials and got better and better in doing my own make up.

I had made this little habit that when I was alone at home and my gender switched, I would get myself all dolled up and start cleaning the house.

In high heels and with glittering earrings vacuuming could be fun after all.

Afterwards, I sat down with a glass of wine.

Even though my wardrobe had been generously extended by Felix and Hongjoong, when I was alone and not going anywhere, I would come back to Jihye's dress.

Yes, the colour didn't fit me and yes, it didn't even have her scent anymore. But something about it comforted me anyways.

Look at me, wearing my fiance's dress and my daughter's nail polish.

Pathetic.

I took a big gulp of wine and swallowed that thought together with it.

Then I redid my lipstick.

Then I got up, turned on some music and started dusting the places I had left out last time.

Thanks to the heels I was tall enough to reach the ceiling and every dusty corner up there.

I was just crawling behind a cupboard and singing along to some pop song from my teenie years when the doorbell rang.

I looked up. Checked my watch. It was close to midnight already.

Oh God, that couldn't be a good sign.

I scrambled up and went through all possible emergencies in my head while hurrying to the door.

Maybe it was Felix. Here for some comfort and space.

Maybe it was Seungmin, here to inform me that he would go back to travelling and leave me.

Maybe it was Minho, telling me that Jisung died in a car crash.

Or-

I opened the door.

Outside it was dark and cold and raining.

At first I didn't see anyone, but then I noticed the lone figure standing halfway down our driveway, turned to go away, but stopped at the sound of the opening door.

I would recognize that silhouette everywhere.

Holy fuck.

'Jihye?'